I Won't Lie To You
by The Derpite
Summary: Set in-between the 2009 Star Trek and Into Darkness. UA (universe alterations) featuring OC Peleia in T'Pring's position. The Vulcan cadet Peleia gets caught up in Khan's universe domination plans and then she does some stupid stuff and she's all 'engaged' to Spock and then Kirk makes jokes. No slash or anything. It's not all accurate; that's why it's called a fanfic. Thank *bows*
1. Chapter 1

_Just don't look at them_, I thought, knowing that I wouldn't be able to keep that up for long. I hugged my books closer to my chest and tried to squeeze through the crowds to my next class. I had been doing this for approximately three weeks now, this being trying not to call attention to myself in any way at all. This was my first year at Starfleet Academy and I didn't want to upset anybody within my first month. I had already been deemed "that quiet girl" in several of my classes which I was perfectly okay with. I didn't generally enjoy company from other people, especially not humans. They seemed to be the worst toward my kind.

I almost tripped over my own feet and stumbled a little bit, trying to catch my balance again. I looked up quickly to see if anybody had seen and continued my brisk walk toward the large building in front of me. I knew I must have looked like the most timid person in the world, but I didn't mind. I just wanted to get to class and be left alone. That was all I ever wanted was to be left alone.

"Hey hottie!" someone hollered but I didn't flinch. These stupid cadets were always trying pick up girls. "Hey, I'm talkin' to you!" I glanced over and double took as I saw a group of three approaching me. I walked more quickly.

"I do not see what there is to talk about," I said quickly.

"I think there's plenty to talk about," a voice said right in front of me. I finally lifted my head from the often hung position it was in. One of the men was right in front of me, causing me to stop where I was.

"Excuse me," I said. "I need to get to class," I said, almost whispering from fright. This was why I hadn't wanted to go to the Academy; this is why I didn't socialize, couldn't my parents see that? What was so wrong about any other path I could have chosen?

"Did you hear that boys? This little cutie needs to get to class," he said.

I could feel a mixture of fear and anger building up in me. I tried to step around him but he blocked me. "Please move," I said as the campus began to clear around me. Soon there wouldn't be anyone there to hear me if I needed to call for help anytime soon.

The man took a step toward me and I backed up, running into another man right behind me. I immediately skirted away from the both of them. I looked at them each as I backed up into yet another cadet.

"Please just let me go to class," I pleaded, my voice sounding weaker by the moment.

"Not until I get me a slice of this beauty," one of them said.

"Stop," I ordered but they all exchanged looks. I must admit, by then my heart was beating out of my chest and I was panicking. _This is why I stay out of public! _

They closed in on me. The one behind me touched my shoulder and I jerked away but they were all within a foot or two of me. I was feeling claustrophobic and sick to my stomach. I darted to the side, trying to get past them but they blocked me again. "Please stop," I said, my voice getting weaker rather than stronger. I felt myself retreating into my shell again; I stopped feeling, a useful trait of being Vulcan. I wasn't sure if I could maintain it for long though; I didn't have a very good handle on my feelings as most other Vulcans did. I decided not to move anymore. One of them took my wrist and-

"Get off of her, you rats," a voice growled, cutting through my wall.

The three cadets cursed as they turned to see who it was. It was apparent that it wasn't an older officer, only someone they were intimidated by.

The one that had a hold of my wrist wrenched it as he fled with the other two. I felt immediately that a burden had been taken off my shoulders, but all of my books and papers had fallen to the ground. I took a moment to get control of my emotions again so that I could function properly. I ignored that anything had happened, acting entirely as if I had just dropped my books of my own accord.

I bent down and began to scoop the books and binders into a pile. I tried to sort paperwork out, but I was missing my clip. I spotted it on the ground about a foot away from where I was and reached out to grab it, but another hand beat me there. I looked at the hand for a moment, slightly terrified, before following it up to its owner's face.

"Are you okay?" the stranger asked.

"I- yes," I said. "I'm going to be late to class, if you don't mind," I said, clipping my papers together and putting them on top of the stack. I picked up all of my materials and stood up with the stranger, whisking away before he could say anything else.

"Wait," he grabbed my arm and I almost collapsed into my emotionless state again, "I'm afraid I'm a bit turned around. This is my first week here," he said. "Can you direct me to the Space History building?"

I looked up at him, confused as to what exactly was happening and trying to figure out if he had any ulterior motive. I glanced at his hand on my arm and he let go immediately. He looked friendly enough although his slick looking black hair wasn't exactly normal form for cadets.

"Who are you?" I asked, ignoring his previous questions.

The man looked at me curiously for a moment. He went to spit out a name but seemed to change his mind a split second before speaking… or was I just imagining that? "John Harrison," he said. I couldn't help but gaze at his face for a moment. He looked young but I could tell that there were many more years of experience behind that face than showed. I doubted if this man didn't know where Space History building was. "Where is the Space History building?" he repeated the question.

"Right ahead," I said, decided in a split second that I needed to investigate more. "I'm actually headed there myself," I said, trying to put on as best of an act as I could.

"Thank you…" he trailed off, waiting for a name.

"Peleia," I said.

"Peleia," he repeated quietly. "I assume you're Vulcan," he said and I began to wander toward the building ahead of us. He followed right beside me, seeming keen for conversation.

"Yes. I assume you are not," I said.

"Oh no, I'm human," he said.

I tried to hide my scrutinizing look but nothing could get past those eyes. That was one of the first things that made me doubt. His skin was fairer than any others' I had seen; not a single pubescent pock-mark scar to be seen on his face as was common in humans.

"Is that so?" I asked, not exactly meaning for the question to have slipped out.

"It was the last time I checked," he said.

"Which was when?" I asked, realizing that these questions seemed both stupid and too suspicious. I was sure this man had already recognized that I was suspicious of him though.

The man laughed and ignored the question. Some paranoid part of me made me think that he hadn't ever checked.

I took a breath to recover my calm countenance. "Which class are you headed to?" I asked.

"West End," he said. This wasn't exactly the course name, but it was known by most everybody as such because it was taught by a less than militant teacher about the farthest reaches of the galaxy where the third world planets were. Of course, I only knew this because that was the class I was headed too.

"Me too," I said. "I have never seen you in attendance though."

"Oh no, you wouldn't have. I haven't shown up yet," he said and chuckled. I tried to join in but I didn't see what the joke was.

"Why not?"

He looked at me as if it was obvious but then remembered probably that he was dealing with a Vulcan. I wasn't very good at jokes or sarcasm of any sort… that is, unless I wanted to be.

"I've been skipping. I already know everything that there is to about that class but I was told I have to attend in order to get proper credit."

I nodded as we came to the door. I went for the door but Mr. Harrison grabbed it first and held it open for me. I looked at him and he gestured me through. I went through hesitantly and took an immediate left toward my classroom.

A shrill bell went off and I grit my teeth, almost cursing in anger. This stupid incident had made me late to class. I wouldn't have been that worried if I hadn't earlier observed that our teacher, Lieutenant Johnson, hadn't signed in that morning. By regulation, his commanding officer would be forced to take the class if it so suited him and that just happened to be Admiral Marcus who would not be nearly as lenient as Lieutenant Johnson.

"No need to worry; I'll take the blame," my acquaintance said.

"And you are sure that will please Admiral Marcus, Mr. Harrison?"

"Please, I would rather be called _Khan_ than Mr. Harrison," he said and laughed.

"Was that supposed to be a joke? Is Khan your real name?" I asked.

"No, I was kidding. Just call me John. Wait, Admiral Marcus? I thought Lieutenant Johnson taught this class?" he said, suddenly seeming panicked, and I realized that we had already reached the door to the classroom. He opened it for me and I rushed in, a couple of papers flipping up into my face from the pile of books and papers in my arms. I pushed them down hastily as the entire room turned to look at us.

Admiral Marcus looked up at us from the bottom of the lecture hall and glared. "Well, cadets, I'm sorry the scheduling of this class is inconvenient for you," he snarled.

I dropped my things again, this time in a neater pile, and stood at attention since it was all I could think to do.

"All due respect, Admiral," John said without even flinching at the admiral's words, "this cadet was being attacked. If you blame anybody for her being this tad bit late, blame me," he said and yawned.

The admiral glared up at us, but John seemed to have had a profound effect on him.

"What are you wearing, Harrison? Never mind, I don't want to know. Sit down, Lieutenant," the admiral said.

I lost my focus for a moment and looked confusedly at John. _Lieutenant?_ Was he some sort of teacher help for this class or something? He wandered down the many steps to a chair slightly off to the side but obviously in a teaching position and sat down.

"At ease, cadet. What's your name?" the admiral continued. I lowered my hand from the salute I was in but still stood in a focused stance.

"Cadet, fourth degree, Peleia, enrollment number S576-"

"That's enough," the admiral cut me off. "Are you a Vulcan or something?"

"Yes, sir," I answered.

"Aren't you a little overqualified to be in this class anyway? Why not just take all the exams now?" he asked and there were several chuckles from the class, but I failed to realize at the time that he had been using sarcasm.

"Sir, if I took all of my exams now, I would be qualified to be stationed on the Enterprise. I am waiting until the end of the year that I may attain a certain level of experience of being in a military environment."

The class went silent and several more people were looking at me than had been. The admiral rolled his eyes and wandered back over to the desk. "See me after class. Sit down," he ordered.

I picked up my books quickly as he pulled out a book. He opened it up and began talking again right away to the silent room. I sat in the closest seat to me next to an Orion with bright red hair. She took one look at me before deciding I wasn't worth the time of day and faced Admiral Marcus again.

I sat through the entire class not able to focus at all. I tried not feeling but I think I was more nervous knowing I had to talk to Admiral Marcus after his lecture than I had when those three cadets had approached me. I took notes as best I could and decided they must have been sufficient when I looked over and saw that they were still more plentiful than what the Orion had written.

The bell rang again and I was done for the day... just as soon as I spoke to the admiral. I slid out of my seat quickly, leaving my things where they were, too concerned with what the admiral may say than what dimwit may decide to take my books. I thought it highly illogical for someone to do so, seeing the stack was quite substantial and its owner could see it plainly from anywhere in the room.

I waited for most everybody to leave before slipping down the stairs to stand before Lieutenant Harrison and Admiral Marcus. I snapped my feet together and saluted, standing at full attention.

"At ease cadet, loosen up a little," the admiral said. "Lieutenant, you're dismissed," Marcus said.

Harrison gave me a quick good luck look and saluted before sweeping out of the room the way we had come in. Marcus waited until the door was closed and we were completely alone in the lecture hall before he turned to me again and sighed.

"When did you meet him?"

"If you are referring to Lieutenant Harrison, approximately one hour and thirty-seven minutes ago," I replied. "I'm sorry, sir, but I fail to see the relevance of that question."

The admiral looked at me confusedly. "Do you think he's been watching you?"

"Admiral-"

"Just answer the question."

"Not that I am aware of. I think I might have noticed."

He scoffed. "You don't even know what you're dealing with here. But it's best we keep it that way. Just try to avoid him," he finished.

"Of course there is no way for me to entirely avoid a person; chance comes into play-"

"That's an order!" Marcus said.

"Yes, sir," I said, standing back at attention without any hesitation, realizing that I had said a few things wrong.

"Now get out of here; don't you have some sort of studying to do?"

I refrained from telling him that I actually had no studying to do and instead nearly sprinted up the stairs and grabbed my things before leaving the room without another word. I was slightly puzzled as to why he hadn't mentioned anything having to do with my tardiness. He only seemed to be worried about how well I knew the lieutenant, which I didn't. I knew there must have been something different about-

"Excuse me," I said as I ran smack into somebody walking in front of me.

"No problem," he said and turned around.

"Lieutenant," I said and stood at attention.

"There's no need for that," he said but I didn't move. "At ease," he said when he realized I wouldn't move until told to do so. "What did he tell you? You may speak freely," he said, catching on to my by-the-book attitude.

"He told me to avoid you."

"Oh, is that all?"

"To be to the point, yes."

"You're sure he didn't tell you anything about me though?"

"Vulcans do not lie," I said. "I know no more about you now than an hour and thirty-nine minutes ago."

"So you still know I'm perfectly normal."

"Not exactly the words I would use," I admitted.

He chuckled darkly. "I knew you were a smart one when I first saw you," he said.

"It is impossible tell from appearance alone whether a person is intelligent or-"

"Don't take things so literally. It may help you get along a little better here," he said. "It may do you some good to stick close to me."

"I have orders to avoid you," I said.

"All I'm saying is I could help you out more than you know," he said.

"I do not require assistance," I said. "If you have not noticed, I am the top student on the academy and I have only been here for three weeks." My attitude was getting a little out of hand, but I was tired of people telling me I needed help. "And from what I have observed, you would not be the one to get help from if I needed it."

"Ooh, that was harsh," he said. "But really Peleia," he said and stepped closer to me, a mad look in his eyes as he bent down to me; I felt a flurry of fear slip up my spine, "_you need me_," he hissed, putting special emphasis on each word. He took a moment and I could see him compose himself. He leaned back again and straightened his jacket. "I'll be seeing you," he said.

He walked away without another word and I was left slightly stunned. I glanced around to be sure nobody else had witnessed the encounter. Something told me I didn't want anybody to know about this. The square was deserted as it was just moments before the next class would start. Luckily, I had no class scheduled for that time and I would be free to go back to my room and ponder over the things that had happened to me just then.

I walked briskly toward my off campus apartment. I, as well as administration, had known that I wouldn't work well with the other students and they had granted me permission to live off campus. I walked to and from the academy every day which wasn't a problem for me at all. I did a lot more thinking than I did talking and it gave me that much more free time to think. I approached the edge of the campus and flashed my identification at the officer waiting by the gate. He let me out and I began to cross the quiet street quickly when a small disturbance came to my attention.

Just to my left was a group of officers coming down the street. I paused for a moment as the one behind the two in the front looked familiar, even from this distance. Something made me stop and look at the obvious starship crew. I could identify each position by examining their strides. The one in the front was obviously the captain and the one beside him seemed to be a doctor of sorts. The one behind them was…

"Spock?" I said out loud.


	2. Chapter 2

BEFORE WE START

I just wanna say that I've gotten a lot of comments that people are excited to see Harrison x Peleia become a ship, BUT I JUST WANNA WARN YOU THAT THAT'S NOT ENTIRELY WHAT I DID PLEASE DON'T HATE ME BUT I USUALLY DON'T PUBLISH FICS AT ALL COS I REALLY JUST TEND TO DO WHAT I WANT IN THEM AND PEOPLE DON'T REALLY APPROVE SO ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU JUST BEAR WITH ME BECAUSE LIKE PLOT TWISTS OKAY LIKE A LOT OF THEM JUST

PLEASE STAY

*Rihanna voice* I want you to staaaaayyy

also

friggin thank you for reading this; it really does mean a lot to me :) I appreciate each and every view this gets and I love you all and all of your constructive criticism; this is an awesome place to grow as a writer and you all are helping me do that! Thank *bows*

The captain looked at me stopping mid conversation and looked back to the one I assumed to be Spock who was busy with something on his tablet. He looked up and the captain pointed him to me.

"Looks like you've got an admirer," the captain said and the crew chuckled.

Spock stepped out from the group and jogged slightly to reach me while the rest got out their badges to reenter the campus.

"Peleia," he said and a small smile grew on his face. He took my books and put them on the ground so as to take my hands and I couldn't help but smile a bit. It had been over five years since I had last actually seen Spock back on Vulcan. We had been friends since childhood and I was delighted to see him again and for once, I wasn't even ashamed of the emotion.

"Peleia, I am glad to see you," he said. I could feel the emotion through even just his hands and he immediately pulled me into an embrace. I felt uncomfortable for a moment but not at all because I was not comfortable with Spock, but because I was uncomfortable in my own expressing of emotion. It was hard for me to tell what was too far and what was not far enough.

I decided simply that I would relax. Spock seemed comfortable with his expression and that was good enough for me. I wrapped my arms around his back and hugged him, placing my face on his chest for a brief moment before there was a catcall from behind him and he held me at arm's length.

"Yeah, Spock! You go girl!" the captain hollered and I was not sure who he was referring to as a girl.

"Please excuse my captain," Spock said. "He is sometimes too human for his own good," he said.

"To be honest, I do not really care what your captain says," I said. "I am just relieved to see you."

"Is there something troubling you?" he asked, seeming worried.

"Not particularly. It is difficult for me to explain, but your presence gives me a sense of safety," I said and almost immediately regretted it.

"As does yours," he said instantly making me feel better. He stood looking and smiling at me for a moment and I enjoyed the moment, relishing this time that I had with an ally. "I need to go; our shuttle leaves in ten minutes," he said and my face fell.

"How long is your mission?" I asked. I had only just regained my friend; I did not want him leaving so soon.

"We are going to New Vulcan to survey their progress so I should be back in approximately six days if all goes according to plan," he said.

I nodded. "And I will see you again then?"

"Without a doubt," he replied. He leaned down as if to kiss me and I tipped my head up a bit before realizing-

"Wait, lieutenant," I said, having spotted the bars on his uniform.

"May I remind you that we are still off campus, cadet," he said and kissed me anyway.

(Perhaps this all seems a bit strange and rushed to those of you reading this story. It is difficult to explain Vulcan tradition to humans, but I will do my best. At a young age, all Vulcans choose a partner to which they will be bonded for their entire lives and to whom they are tied to mentally. For Spock, I was this partner. For the sake of time, I shall put this briefly and bluntly; by saying that Spock and I had been friends since childhood, I really meant that Spock and I had been betrothed in childhood).

Spock made the sudden and surprising kiss quick as his crew seemed to be leaving without him and leaned back.

"Please, feel free to contact me; my channel is always open," he said.

I smiled. "Be safe," I encouraged him and he stepped back. "Live long and prosper," I said, holding up my hand in a Vulcan salute.

"Peace and long life," he said and smiled before turning around and running to catch up with the crew of the esteemed USS Enterprise.

I felt a sort of lump in my throat watching him leave and had to shut myself down emotionally in order to function normally. It reminded me too much of the day he had first gone away to come here. I suppose I hadn't really realized it, but it was becoming apparent that he was very much the reason I had enrolled, even if it had been a subconscious action.

I took a deep breath and grabbed my books. I began again to cross the street, not checking for cars first as I usually did, but my apartment was just on the other side and I calculated my chances of ever being hurt on the way to or from were less than fourteen percent.

I trudged up the stairs and swiped my ID card on the pad outside the door. The door popped open and I went in, closing and locking the door behind me before putting my things down on the table directly in front of me.

I found myself unable to focus on simple things like taking my hair down or taking off my shoes. This John Harrison was much more concerning to me than anything at the moment. Even with my short encounter with Spock, I was worried about what Harrison may have had in store for me.

I went immediately to my bedroom and sat down cross-legged on the bed. I closed my eyes and breathed several times deeply, trying to search the farthest reaches of my brain for any information I may have surpassed on this new character in my life. I tried to remember any time at all that I had seen him before, but I could picture him nowhere in my memory, neither in cadet garb or his lieutenant's uniform. There was no way he had been there long enough to become a lieutenant. He probably hadn't even been there as long as I had.

Whether it was an act or not, he had admitted that he wasn't very familiar with the campus. Either he was a very talented liar or he was being very confusingly truthful. I could only assume from the admiral's counsel toward me that John Harrison was an exception to many of the academy's regulations. I supposed he and the admiral were in an alliance of sorts. This led me to a conclusion which would require a direct disobedience to my orders.

I needed to gather more information about John Harrison; I needed to not only speak with him about his past but also observe his actions and attitudes. I had already seen that he was capable of a sort of malice by his last comment to me that day, as was the admiral. I wondered if they were in league in a less than benefiting way.

I opened my eyes, having decided to act against my orders for the greater good. It was logical that if treason of sorts was being committed, someone be aware of it and stop it before getting any worse.

I stood up and went to the bathroom, checking my appearance in the mirror. Such a thing was a bad habit of mine; something that my parents had tried to discipline me in, but in which they were unsuccessful. They were also unsuccessful in convincing me to maintain the typical Vulcan styles. I had grown my hair out but usually left it up in a high pony or, as of late, a bun on the top of my head.

There were only about 30 minutes of daylight left and I wondered if that would be sufficient time for me to do any investigating. Even if it was, I wasn't exactly sure where I would start. I hadn't any information of this man's schedule except what I had learned today. I looked at the clock. It was nearly seven o'clock and it was Friday; the higher officers would be going to dinner soon.

I decided it would be in my best interest to wait until I could see them filter out of the campus grounds and try to spot him. I would be free to follow him to wherever he might be headed for dinner and observe his mannerisms around other people. Of course this was a slightly flawed plan in that I had never lied before and if it came to it, I wasn't sure what I would say if he found me out. Of course, although I hadn't ever lied, I had told plenty of half truths. I decided one might be in order for that night.

I went to the window and stood there, waiting for the gates to open and the cars to file out. I wondered if I would even be able to spot him at all, but if I couldn't, it wouldn't be too hard to guess where he was; probably with the admiral at his favorite restaurant. That would mean a bit more walking for me, but it was hardly a problem seeing as the cause was just.

I was right; it didn't take long for the gate to open. Several cars filed out, all turning left, toward the city. I tried to catch a glimpse of anybody in any of the vehicles, but it wasn't possible with the tinted windows. I grabbed my coat and ran downstairs before the line finished. The cars were all federation vehicles and it wouldn't be possible for me to discern a higher officer's car from any others, but they all seemed to be headed to the same general direction. I had a plan anyway; I would visit the admiral's favorite first.

I walked down the sidewalk without a single care of anything else in my mind, the last of the cars rolling out into the avenue just before I rounded the corner from the stairwell. The cars all took a left just ahead and I hurried to catch up at least a little so I could see where they were headed. I crossed the street without looking either direction; it was rare that cars drove near the academy unless they belonged to the higher officers and right now, the majority of them were in front of me.

I followed them down the street for several blocks at which point I lost visual altogether, but I was getting into the city and it would only be a couple of blocks until I reached the admiral's favorite restaurant. People appeared on the sidewalks more frequently and I tried to look a little less suspicious as I could tell from having spent time with several humans that it was easy to look suspicious. I tried to act normal, knowing that the mere fact that I was a Vulcan put me up for suspicion. Despite the stupidity of stereotyping those species with pointy ears, I knew that my only chance at making it through this city without any trouble was going along with the crowd as much as possible. I folded my collar over on my coat and tried to slouch a little more than usual but it was actually physically painful for someone who had practiced pristine posture her entire life.

I was immersed in the busy life of the city in moments. People were all around, laughing and talking loudly, all things that I was far from accustomed to. I sped up a little more to get through all the people and before I knew it, was standing outside the busy restaurant. Someone brushed past me harshly and I looked to see who it was. I was greeted by the chest of a Starfleet uniform. I looked up to see the person it belonged to only to have my breath catch in my throat.

"Excuse me," I said, pretending I had only glimpsed who it was and it hadn't quite registered in my mind.

"Isn't it a bit late for someone like you to be out?" he said.

I pursed my lips. There was no way to avoid a conversation anymore.

"I'm sorry?" I asked, feigning innocence.

"Such a studious cadet as you I wouldn't expect to see out on a Friday night," he said.

"Stereotypes are dangerous things," I said, looking at his face again finally. John squinted at me for a moment before leaning in a little closer than I appreciated, having already been in a close proximity from the squeezing of the crowd.

"Not nearly as dangerous as-" he stopped himself, pausing before continuing, "as this city. What are you doing out here?" his attitude softened again with each syllable. I had a feeling there had been something more sinister to be said than what actually was.

"I'm," I had forgotten what I had decided to say and had to come up with a new half-truth in a split second, "just getting dinner." I hadn't hesitated long enough for any normal person to notice, but I could see that he had.

"Is that all?"

"No," I admitted, but I relinquished no specifics.

John looked suspiciously at me but then his face broke into a smile. "Why don't you join us?" he asked, gesturing to the group of higher officers making their way through the crowd and to the front of the queue.

"It appears that a cadet such as me would not be welcome in your group," I said. "I am content to dine alone."

"Well, I'm not," he said. He grabbed my wrist and I instinctively pulled away, but he didn't let go. Vulcans (especially me) have a tendency to act in self defense immediately and in any circumstance that has the potential to become dangerous.

I twisted his arm up, putting it in the perfect position to break. He struggled back for a moment but let go before I had even realized what I was doing.

"I'm sorry," I said immediately, pulling my hands back to me. I got my senses back about me before John could completely recover. "I'm sorry, sir," I said again and stood at attention.

"As you were, cadet," he said, stepping forward to me again. He didn't look angry at all which made me only more confused about him. "You've got more heart than I gave you credit for," he said quietly. "I know you're following me," he said and I felt fear creep into my stomach, "but you show promise so I've elected to ignore it."

I let out a breath I hadn't noticed I was holding in. I was more than confused by what the lieutenant was saying and I wasn't sure if I could trust everything he was saying or how much caution I should exhibit.

"I'll answer any of your questions but I can't right now. You best head back home before something happens that you can't handle," he said. I couldn't tell if he was insulting me or insinuating that he would have to handle whatever it was that might happen. "You should never have come out here in the first place," he said.

"I am afraid I do not understand to what you are referencing," I said. Did he know something that I didn't?

John took a moment, putting his hand on my shoulder. "Go home," he said. I hesitated. "That's an order, cadet," he said. "And be careful."

"Yes, sir," I said and he took his hand off my shoulder.

"And for Pete's sake, relax! I don't want to see you standing at attention one more time," he said lightly.

I was not nearly as light-minded as I backed away to the edge of the sidewalk before turning around. I looked both ways before stepping out into the street. I hadn't taken two steps when somebody screamed. I instinctively turned around to the crowd to see who it had been and if there was something I could help them with. There were at least seven heads turned my way, several with their mouths hanging open. I saw the woman who had screamed in a split second and she was pointing at something to my right. I saw John shove through the crowd looking overly distressed just before I glanced to the right to see-


	3. Chapter 3

yo

sorry this is like a weird little chunk

i never think this out very well

oops

anywho

here

thank

*bows*

I regained consciousness slowly and felt pain surge through every limb in my body. I gave out a slow moan and heard somebody saying my name. I could feel the pavement under me and knew I was on the ground. I felt my limbs coming back into consciousness with my mind and was feeling rather limp. I could feel several specific wounds on my arms and good. I was feeling a bit dizzy and came to the quick conclusion that I had been hit by a car, despite my caution before stepping into the street. I wanted to move but I could feel that any core movement would cause me a certain amount of distress in my ribs and that my right leg wasn't exactly going to be working very well.

I opened my eyes with some effort and looked up at the faces around me. Only one looked familiar at the moment but I was sure they were all faces I knew since I recognized the uniform they wore.

I realized quickly that we were still on the road; this throng of people was standing in the way of oncoming traffic. "What are you doing?" I asked, my senses getting about me. "Get out of the road; you are going to get hit," I said. I tried to sit up but a sharp stabbing in my right lung stopped me immediately. My breath caught somewhere in my throat and I lay back down.

"Don't move," John said, his voice cutting through the ruckus around me. I felt him put his arms underneath me, one by my knees and one supporting my neck. The slight movement caused me pain and I didn't try to keep in my groans of discomfort.

"Get out of the road," I said, trying to see that these people who apparently had a death-wish would stop with said wish.

"Don't speak," John said. I closed my mouth and didn't say another word, but the pain was beginning to spread and worsen.

There was something bitter and coppery (which I assumed to be blood) building up in my mouth as I lay there unmoving. I opened my mouth and tilted my head to the side, realizing that my neck was sore as well. I couldn't stop the dribble of blood that leaked out and left a stringy trail. I wasn't exactly partial to the taste of my own blood (or any others' for that matter) and couldn't help but try to spit it out.

"I'll take her from here Lieutenant," I heard and blinked dizzily up at Admiral Marcus who was holding his arms out as if to take me from Harrison.

"All due respect Admiral, I think I can get her to the hospital faster," he said but there was something suspicious in his voice; something that he had against the admiral perhaps?

It didn't take long for the subject to leave my mind as the stabbing in my lung was becoming worse. I coughed involuntarily and spewed blood over the front of my red uniform, a grisly contrast in colors. I groaned and tried to hold down several other coughs as they were causing me much more distress than I had yet experienced.

"Lieutenant, that's an order," Marcus said. Harrison held me out farther and the admiral started to take me, but he had gripped me in all the wrong places. I let out a scream, not being able to stop it and writhed about a bit.

"Stop!" I shouted. The cry dissolved into a wheezy groan and Harrison grabbed me back to his body.

I didn't see what kind of visual exchange they shared because I had my eyes squeezed shut in pain. I seized the shoulder of Harrison's uniform with one of my hands and was practically tearing the fabric from his body. The pain was everywhere; like a virus or a wildfire or… or something else bad, I couldn't think of anything. My thoughts were fuzzy with rawness and more blood was spilling out of my mouth.

"Go, then!" the admiral yelled and John was off. I didn't feel an ounce of pain from his running which struck me as odd but I didn't dwell on it. Just because his running wasn't causing me more pain did not mean that I wasn't feeling any pain at all. My head hurt and I was beginning to feel cold. I tried to concentrate on numbing the pain but I couldn't manage even the simplest of coherent thoughts. I finally gave up my subconscious struggle against the sleep I could feel coming and fell entirely lank.

It was quiet and dark when I woke from my trance. I took mental stock of every injury that had existed on my body and was glad to see that the only one still healing was my leg which had been broken in several places. I cringed at the memory and tried to push any recollection of the crash back from my consciousness so as to not hurt myself.

I sat up and glanced around the dark room. A clock on the wall told me that it was just past three in the morning. I didn't have any need to sleep so I wasn't going to be able to do that and I probably wouldn't for several days. I wondered momentarily what was acceptable to do at just past three in the morning but I wasn't coming up with many logical ideas. Few people would be awake at that time so I wouldn't be able to get my assignments from my professors or anything of the sort and it wasn't like I had any friends to assure my health to.

I felt a sudden unfamiliar pang and attempted to locate its origin. I closed my eyes and relaxed into my own subconscious. There seemed to be some sort of foreign contaminant within me that I couldn't identify. I dug deeper and recognized it as a sort of transfer which could make sense seeing as I had lost a significant amount of blood and may have required a blood transfusion… but I knew of no other Vulcan in Starfleet save Mr. Spock who was aboard the Enterprise advising Captain Kirk as was his appointment.

I opened my eyes again and swung my legs over the side of my cot. There were crutches beside me and I grabbed them, using them as supports as I went to the opposite side of the room where there were a series of cupboards and drawers. I opened the middle drawer first to see a handful of primitive tools and took out a scalpel. I slid the blade cleanly across my thumb and cringed momentarily at the pain.

The blood that dripped out was a darker shade of green than I knew my blood to be. It was almost brown in color and I knew that human blood had been melded with my own.

I pursed my lips and went back to my bed, sitting down to concentrate for a moment. I concentrated some of my extra energy at the cut on my thumb and when I opened my eyes again, no cut remained. I pressed the singular drop of blood on my thumb to my tongue. It was unmistakable that my blood was still more than present but there was definitely other blood there as well, but not any that I recognized. There was no logical explanation coming to me at the moment and I tried to let it go until later when I could inquire of my doctor.

I sat back in my bed and closed my eyes, concentrating once again on healing myself, only this time I focused on my leg. I didn't open my eyes until I could feel sunlight on my face. The door clicked open and I nodded to the Deltan that appeared to be my nurse.

"Good morning, Peleia. I was told you would be awake today."

"Hello," I said.

"How are you feeling?"

"Nearly ideal. I think you'll find I only have a minor fracture in my right leg that will be completely healed in a couple of hours. I haven't experienced any faintness or fatigue of any sort; my limbs are all functioning adequately and I have no trouble recalling the incident," I said. I was eager to get moving again and do more investigating as I had now lost at least one day. Not only that but I'm sure there was some sort of paperwork or lawsuit that I was facing in regards to being hit by a vehicle. "How long has it been?" I asked.

"Well, four days, not including the day you were hit," she said.

_Four days? _I had been unconscious for four days? Something told me my injuries had been more extensive than I realized.

"It is logical that I have healed entirely by now then," I said.

She nodded, having been stopped slightly by my slew of words and information. She stood by the door still, clipboard in hand. "Okay, I'll tell Doctor Perry," she said and disappeared again.

I only had to wait five minutes for the doctor to show up.

"Ava tells me you've made a swift recovery!" he said as he entered the room. "Says you're ready to get going."

"She assumes correctly. I am eager to return to my studies," I said.

Doctor Perry took a moment to consider. He had a sort of permanent mischievous look on his face and seemed to be grinning at me. "I'm sure Miss Ava has told you my condition."

"Well she has, but I'm afraid I'll have to check that for myself."

"I assure you I am perfectly fine. I would not be dishonest about my own health; it is not logical," I said, beginning to wonder if this doctor really knew what he was doing. I had to almost force myself into another trance to hold back my slightly haywire emotions. If anything at all was wrong with me, it would have to do with my emotional state, but that was almost always a problem for me.

The doctor kept that silly grin on his face but looked me over a little more closely.

"You do realize you were hit by a military grade transport, don't you? Any other person would be dead after what happened to you," he said, looking at his clipboard, "you had a collapsed lung, shattered right fibula, seven broken ribs, and you lost over fifty percent of your blood and now you profess to be fine? I mean, I know Vulcans have an extraordinary anatomy and immune system, but this..." he shook his head, still looking at his clipboard, "this is unbelievable. Five days ago when they brought you in here, I was prepared to pronounce you dead on the spot. I'm not about to let you leave without a formal examination."

"I am well aware of the injuries I suffered and I assure you, my current state is, besides some slight pain, better than it was before the accident."

"I'll be the judge of that," he said. "Lay down," he ordered and I submitted immediately. I just wanted to leave and get to work as soon as possible.

The doctor put down the clipboard and took out some sort of device which he ran over different injury sites before reading data from a screen on the wall. He pursed his lips before looking back at me after he had finally scanned my right leg.

"Your body is remarkable," he said and Ava giggled. I failed to find the humor in his words. "You're fine," he said. "I'm going to wrap your leg in safety tape and I want you to come back tomorrow morning to check in with me but... you're perfectly fine," he said, seeming both angry and confused.

"Do I need any sort of transition medication for the transfusion?" I asked.

"What transfusion?" he asked.

That made me stop for a moment. I was 91.6% positive I had received a blood transfusion but I was now beginning to think that it hadn't happened under the direction of this doctor, nor had it been approved of exactly. That was only one more reason to get out of here and investigate as quickly as possible and I knew where I would go first.

"I assume I received a transfusion to replenish some of that fifty percent blood loss," I said, "but I suppose I misjudged," I finished.

The doctor sighed before taking out a roll of safety tape and wrapping my right leg. He was thinking so hard I didn't even need to try to see his thoughts. He didn't seem perturbed by my transfusion question although he was still confused by everything he had seen on that screen. I saw that he honestly hadn't thought I was alive when I came in and thought I might stay in my induced coma until they decided I was brain dead.

"You're free to go. Contact me immediately if you have any trouble whatsoever," he said.

"Yes, sir," I said and sat up.

"Since your apartment is off campus, we didn't have approval to retrieve any of your belongings, but we will provide a robe for your walk back if you wish," he said.

I wondered momentarily why he was worried about my appearance, but realized quickly that it is not customary to walk around a military installation in naught but a hospital gown.

"Please," I said and he retrieved a robe from the closet beside me.

"Your shoes were trashed so we threw them away but you can use these slippers," he said and handed me a pair of white slippers. At this rate, people were going to think I had been at a spa rather than in a hospital bed.

"Thank you, Doctor," I said and slipped both garments on. "At what time should I arrive tomorrow morning?"

"I get in at five," he said.

"I will be here then," I replied and stood up, grabbing my crutches and starting off immediately. I left before either Ava or Doctor Perry could say another word.

I hobbled back to my apartment, ignoring whatever looks I may have received and unlocked the door. I opened it slowly having suddenly experienced a sort of plunging feeling in my stomach. It was similar to what humans might refer to as a sixth sense. I entered quietly and cautiously, checking every dark space in the hall before I continued. I glanced into the kitchen and bedroom but it was obvious that there was nobody there. I peered out onto the balcony and spotted the figure I was looking for. It looked nonthreatening so I wasn't alarmed, although I was curious.

I opened the door and left my crutches in the doorjamb. I hopped on one foot out to where I could better see this friendly intruder.

"Can I help you?" I asked softly and the figure finally turned to face me.

"Peleia, I'm glad to see you up and around again," he said.

"Admiral," I said immediately and stood at the best attention I could manage.


	4. Chapter 4

"At ease, cadet," he said. "I'm sorry if I scared you, I just needed to speak to you again."

"About what, sir?" I asked, grabbing the wood railing of the deck before I could topple over.

He looked up at me from the ground. "For Pete's sake woman, stay away from John Harrison," he said. "It's for your own safety and if you want to continue your studies at this academy without further injury, I would advise that you stay away from him."

"Permission to speak freely," I said after a moment.

"Granted."

"If this John Harrison is a threat, why has he not been investigated and further disciplined according to Starfleet regulation? I would be happy to assist in such investigations if you are finding yourself in need of, for lack of a better term, superior-minded individuals as me."

"That's above your pay-grade, cadet," he said.

"I'm sorry, I am not sure I understand. I am not being paid to attend this academy; quite the opposite."

"I mean, that information is classified. Mr. Harrison is going to continue at this installation until he is transferred but until then, stay away from him."

"May I ask what sort of threat he poses to me?"

"If you're smart, you'll stay out of it."

"Yes, sir," I said. What on earth had John Harrison done to deserve this sort of warning from the admiral? I was determined to find out even though doing so would require me directly disobeying my orders. It came down to the fact that there was something in John Harrison to fear and I would not be caught off guard by whatever he may be inclined to do.

"I'll see myself out," he said and left briskly, slamming the door behind him.

I tried to put my thoughts to rest. It was high time that I showered and got back to my regular life. I would get no investigating done if all I did was sit in my room fearing the 'what ifs' that always came about. I could theorize myself all the way around a given problem but if I didn't get up and do something, I would never get down to the resolution.

I showered quickly and changed quickly into my second uniform and spare pair of shoes. I went to grab my bag with all of my books but realized I wouldn't be able to utilize them that day. I grabbed instead my military-grade tablet and grudgingly hopped back to the campus. I knew I could just as easily carry my tablet everyday but it was so much mote fulfilling to write with pen and ink on actual paper and rifle through actual pages than to type and swipe on one of these gadgets. It wasn't as though I was unintelligent when it came to technology; I just preferred a more old fashioned approach to learning. In fact, I seemed to be that way about a lot of things.

I shuffled back to campus in the growing heat and headed firstly for the main building where I would collect my missing assignments for my Advanced Syntax and Communications class. I was, of course, saving the class that I knew Lieutenant Harrison to be in for last.

Several people stared at me as I hopped through the foyer and down the main hallway to get to the lecture hall where ASC was held. It only made me concentrate more on healing my leg as it didn't please me to be watched in any situation.

I opened the door and realized quickly that my regular route would far from assist my current situation. This was a rarely used stairwell that I usually took to avoid contact with people on my way to class. I decided though that it was in my best interest to continue onward. If I were to go back out, I would be faced with either a public display of trying to get up stairs or an interaction with somebody in order to get access to the elevator. Perhaps it was very much in my interest that I take these stairs.

"Peleia?"

Or perhaps not.

"Peleia, are you okay? I haven't seen you since the accident; I was beginning to think you weren't coming back," Harrison said as he trotted down the stairs from a flight up.

"Lieutenant, I did not expect to see you here," I said.

"That's hardly important," he said, putting each of his hands on my shoulders. "Are you doing well?"

"Healthier than previously, sir," I replied, standing a bit straighter and trying not to rely on my crutches to keep my balance. "I believe it probably had a great deal to do with the blood transfusion that they performed," I said, attempting to elicit some sort of readable response from Harrison.

"Blood transfusion? I thought the only other Vulcan in Starfleet was Lieutenant Spock?" he asked. I could sense almost nothing from him and was not sure whether he was lying or telling the truth.

"It would seem I have been transfused with blood other than that of another Vulcan, but it is a feat I thought not possible. It is my opinion that I was transfused with neither Vulcan nor human blood, but perhaps that of a genetically modified human or different species entirely," I said matter-of-factly.

"Can't you just ask the doctors?" John asked.

My tongue caught in my throat for a moment but I recovered quickly. "I have noted that my doctor has no record of me receiving a blood transfusion, but I have reasonable evidence to believe that I received such a transfer."

"Are you really that sure?"

"91.6% positive," I said.

"I think perhaps you just need a little more rest. Let me walk you back to your apartment and you can get your assignments later."

"Lieutenant, what makes you think I am retrieving assignments? After all, you have found me in an out of the way stairwell headed either up or down, you would not know. I am only a fourth degree cadet, so why would I be headed to any advanced classes upstairs in this building or any cryo-storage banks below? You assume I am getting assignments when in reality, you should have no idea what I am doing or where I am going."

Harrison stood with his mouth a bit ajar for a moment. "You really need more rest. I'll pick up your assignments for you and deliver them to your apartment."

"How, if I may be so bold as to ask, were you aware of my housing arrangements? And when did you take it as your responsibility to care for me? I am perfectly well and able to care for myself; I am independent."

"Not right now you aren't," he said. "Let's go, you're beginning to scare me."

I needed to touch him; right then or I wouldn't get another good chance. I needed to act upon his assumption of weakness in me and find a way to touch his skin.

I acted quickly and pushed one of my crutches so that it slipped down the stairs to my left. I acted as if to fall but Harrison was right beside me the entire time. He reached out and grabbed me around the waist while my arms wound around his neck. I had more than enough skin contact then to find out at least what he was feeling.

I reached out to his mind quickly but was not greeted with the usual mingling and melding of thoughts and ideas, but rather a burning sensation coupled with blinding light. I swear I heard some sort of pop, but I didn't stay long enough to investigate. I opened my eyes what felt like only a moment later, but it was clear that it had been somewhat longer than that.

I was lying on the stairs looking up at Harrison. He had a murderous look on his face, but it disappeared within a moment.

"Never do that again," he said calmly.

"I apologize, sir," I said. "Perhaps I am in need of more sufficient rest to control my instincts," I said, agreeing with him as previously and attempting to cover up my failed attempt at gaining information. If one thing was true, it was that John Harrison was not human, nor was he any species I knew of.

Harrison's expression softened a bit more and he took my hand. I resisted the temptation to reach back into his mind as he pulled me to my feet (foot). He handed me my crutches and opened the door to the hallway.

"I'm walking you to your apartment," he said decisively and I knew I was not going to get out of it with more accusations.

I wished so badly that I had some sort of protection with me; a knife, a pen, a book even. _This is why I always carry my books with me, _I thought and yearned for the day that I would have strength enough to carry my books with me again.

I followed Harrison out the door. Despite being told to avoid him, I was determined to find out more about him, and besides, he had given me orders to return to my apartment. I was not disobeying or lying; this was a choice.

I hobbled along beside Harrison who looked at me continuously for longer than a normal person might.

"May I ask what about my appearance has you so intrigued?" I asked.

I glanced over at John and did a double take when I saw a smile growing on his face.

"Because I didn't think it would work," he said.

"You thought what would not work?"

"Their efforts," he said, "everything they did to bring you back. They were about ready to pull the plug yesterday but..." he stopped short.

"But what, sir?"

"But I implored them to wait until the morning. It took a generous amount of reminding the doctor of the anatomy of Vulcans and convincing on behalf of your parents, but they agreed," he said.

"You do realize that I would have stayed alive with or without the human medicine?" I asked. All Vulcans, when seriously injured, had the ability to shut themselves off from the world and go into a sort of trance in order to concentrate all of their efforts on healing. In this state, it was impossible for a human to tell if the Vulcan was alive or not although a simple telepathic connection from another Vulcan would have cleared that up quickly.

Harrison looked at me skeptically.

"Do you mean to say that you are not familiar with Vulcan anatomy, lieutenant?" I asked.

"No, I merely doubt that four days would have been long enough, even for a Vulcan, to heal yourself."

"It is true that I healed remarkably fast," I said, "but not without aid."

Harrison's energy output switched from normal to panicked but it only lasted a moment.

"I thought you said you could survive without the human medicine," he said.

"I did. I am referring to another type of medicine I believe to have been used on me that is far from human although it may look it on the outside."

Harrison swallowed but I couldn't tell if I was now more aware of his bodily functions or if it was an actual sign of anxiety.

"Why would you think they did something like that?" he asked.

"I am not blind," I said, slightly fed up with his act. I knew for certain now that he had something to do with it all... perhaps more even than I had anticipated originally.

Harrison jerked his gaze up to me and stopped walking.

"Tell me what is going on," I commanded, my voice softer than previously. "I know that you're a part of it and I want to know why."

Harrison opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it and sighed instead, leaning back from his aggressive stance above me.

"I report to the Excelsior in one hour but I will explain what I can once we are in a more private location," he said.

I felt my adrenaline levels spike from anticipation and surprise at not having to dig deeper than this and also from fear of what Harrison may actually be.

Without another word, he led me out of the building and toward the ranking officer's office building. We shared no words the entire way, only casually greeting those we walked past. I understood that he was taking me to his office because it would be very much out of the ordinary for a lieutenant to go off campus into a cadet's living quarters and stay there for a prolonged amount of time, but the opposite was true for a cadet being summoned to an officer's office.

We stepped into the isolated room and he closed the door. I mentally assessed my leg and found it to be in top shape. I practiced putting weight onto it for a moment before discarding my crutches and stepping further into the office.

Harrison stepped slightly in front of me without turning around. He clasped his hands behind his back and stepped silently to the window. I had no doubt that he was still attempting to gather his thoughts.

I stepped forward a bit, examining the office. There was hardly a single personal trinket to be found. There was no evidence of a family or of any past life before Starfleet. There were all the necessary ranking certificates in frames on the walls but they all seemed too new; there was something off about the entire room.

"You were right about the medicine," he said.

"I know," I replied.

"It was my blood that was used," he continued. "My blood has a certain... healing quality to it and you weren't going to survive if I hadn't done it," he said. He turned around to face me. "You were injured far beyond personal repair but you wouldn't come out of that trance long enough for those stupid humans to figure out how to fix you so I took matters into my own hands."

I wasn't sure what to say. I wasn't sure how to react. I was grateful for his efforts but was confused by them as well.

"I do not understand why it was imperative for you to save my life. People die all the time; why was I different?"

"Because if you died, he would have won."

"Please clarify-"

"The admiral. Admiral Marcus wants you dead," he said quietly but rushing.

I went to reply but had no reply waiting. I closed my mouth and attempted to comprehend why Admiral Marcus wanted me dead. He hadn't even known me for that long; what kind of threat did I pose to him?

"He's the one that sent that car to hit you in the first place. I knew he was planning something; that's why I approached you five days ago. I was looking to protect you in any way that I could which is why-"

"Marcus ordered me to stay away from you."

"Exactly. I'm sure he would have put more effort into killing me if he hadn't figured out that I can't be killed."

_Can't be killed?_ Was that even possible? Of all the knowledge I was privy to, I had never learned of a species that was actually indestructible. As far as I was concerned, Vulcans were the closest to that description because of our higher knowledge and healing ability but even Vulcans have to die eventually.

"How?"

Harrison took a moment to decide if I was worthy of this secret before divulging it. "I am a genetic experiment," he said. "I was designed to kill, not to be killed. I was part of an experiment to create a super soldier; one that felt nothing, no fear or remorse; one that would be the turning point of the war, but they got something wrong," he said, emotion building in his voice. "No matter how hard they tried, they weren't able to extract the natural human emotions from their genetic code. Thus I was created and upon realizing their mistake, I was sent to fend for myself and create life from the destruction they had made me for. I cannot be killed. I have no weakness. Marcus was using me to get what he wanted but he knew that I would attempt to escape. He knew that you were the one that was going to help me and he couldn't have that."

"What was Admiral Marcus using you for?"

This one seemed like a more sensitive secret but Harrison spoke up after a moment of contemplation. "He was using my superior intellect and animalistic tendencies to create a weapon that he would use to gain universal power. He knew I would use you to destroy his work before it finished."

"Why me?"

"You've said it yourself; your superior knowledge. I cannot trust a higher officer as Mr. Spock to understand my dilemma, but I know you are different. I know you will help me," he said.

"Why does your own superior knowledge require the presence of mine? What do I have that you do not?" I asked.

"To be relatively blunt, you are a touch telepath, are you not?"

"I am."

"There is information I require from the admiral that cannot be attained by any other means," he said.

I took a moment, being silent as I tried to filter my thoughts into logical remarks.

I was being asked by an officer that I just barely knew and had been warned against to help him in a ploy against his apparent subjugator, another higher officer than myself. I was a mere fourth degree cadet; what in the world was so special about me? Granted I had the qualifications to already be serving on a star ship, perhaps the Enterprise herself, but that was not going to happen until I had completed all four of my schooling years.

There was no way I was the only other Vulcan than Mr. Spock in the entire academy or in the service of Starfleet. There was absolutely nothing remarkable about me besides my tendencies to disobey my parents' wishes…

That was it: my tendency to disobey. If Harrison wanted this job done, he was going to need somebody who was willing to break the rules.

"You have chosen me because you know I will contravene," I said slowly and with realization.

Harrison, who had been facing the window again, turned around to look at me solemnly. "Yes," he said. "Because you are the only one intelligent enough to know that it is morally right to help me in this cause. I promise you, Marcus is going to raze innocent civilizations if you do not assist me in this," he said.

I took my own moment to look out the window. It was logical that any ill intentions for those with no say in the matter should be stopped immediately, but this was not merely a matter of battle merit. If Harrison was right - and I was thinking that he just may be - entire planets could be in danger from Marcus' bloodlust. I had no idea the actual weapon or what it could do, but I could safely assume that it would bring destruction and that was in no part an element to Starfleet's mission of exploration and peace.

Fear entered my heart and I had a moment of discouragement. Perhaps I could just walk away then and go back to regular life; I wouldn't have to worry about those that I didn't even know to begin with.

But I would have their lives on my conscience.

And not only that, but how did I know if Harrison would even let me go quietly? How did I know that my life would not become infinitely harder if I declined his supplication, or even, if it would continue on at all?

"Please," he pleaded and I had almost forgotten that I was not alone in the room.

I turned to look at Harrison. There was no way I could know his true intentions without seeing into his mind. I decided that would be a fair trade for what he was asking me to do.

"Allow me to join our minds," I said, stepping a bit toward him, "and please don't hurt me this time."

Harrison could see immediately that I would not help him unless he allowed me this one comfort of mind. I needed to see that he was telling the truth; that he wasn't going to turn on me as soon as I committed this act of treason.

"Okay," he consented and closed the gap between us. I could sense that he was in a hurry. I lifted my hand and positioned it carefully, placing my thumb on his chin, my forefinger in the crease beside his nose, and my middle finger on his temple. I looked him in the eyes and delved in. There was a bit of resistance for a moment, something I had never experienced before, but Harrison let me in after a moment. I didn't waste time looking at what the weapon was or any of the intellectual knowledge he held but journeyed immediately to his moral compass, for lack of a better term. Something seemed fuzzy for a moment and I wondered how Harrison had gained the power and intelligence to hide things from my telepathic gaze. It almost reminded me of a sort of habit referenced in a nearly thousand year old book series about magic and wizardry, but I digress.

I closed my eyes and focused more on the emotions stored in the recesses of Harrison's mind. I forgot entirely about my consciousness and inserted myself entirely into his. It was almost as if I could walk around and gather the information I wanted. His cause was just. That was obvious. He was being used and he felt a certain amount of sorrow and anger at having been taken from his previous life (which was fuzzy) so abruptly. There was evidence of a family that was lost and other things that I could see were paining him currently. I looked at his present emotions.

Anger; humiliation; yearning. He wanted nothing more than to save those who could not see their fate yet and to save himself and his family from all they had been forced into.

It seemed suddenly as if something had tapped me on my mental shoulder. I turned around to find an image of myself smiling back at me. It was almost glowing, and I felt a great amount of joy and hope towards it. It seemed as though I had completely joined with Harrison's emotions and was feeling them with him. I felt a sudden wave of respect and desire, followed immediately by panic; he had shown me too much. I felt a wall building up and knew I had overstayed my welcome.

I separated myself from his consciousness before I was hit with that wall again as earlier and opened my eyes immediately, looking up at Harrison. It was apparent that the people who had created him were very far from removing emotion from their experiments; perhaps they had even raised the bar a little bit. I was still actively feeling the emotions that Harrison had displayed but most strongly the desire. I was confused by where this emotion came from or why it felt so strongly as it did; it was not an emotion I was exactly familiar with.

I realized that I was holding fast to Harrison's wrist and let go immediately, taking my hand from his face as well and taking a bit of a step back but not losing eye contact.

"You have chosen me because you admire me?" I asked.

Harrison swallowed, looking vulnerable, then took a new stance and gained back his impregnable countenance. It was obvious that he did not want to answer my question because the answer was at least a partial yes. I decided to leave that question for another time.

"I will help you in whatever way I can," I said and he looked a bit softer, "but you have limited time to brief me on my assignment."

"Then it will have to wait. If I am correct, you will be called to the infirmary shortly at which time you will assist Mr. Spock in whatever ailment may be with him at this time and I will contact you when I can. I would urge you to use the utmost caution until this crisis is averted," he said.

"Wait, how do you know that?" I asked.

"Careful observation," he said. "It may benefit you to report to the infirmary at once, before they call you, so as to make tracking you a more difficult endeavor," he said.

"Yes, sir," I said and turned as if to leave. The emotions I had felt in Harrison's mind were still overwhelming me and I had the urge to stay right where I was with him. The emotions confused me entirely and I had to make a conscious effort to walk toward the door and calm my sporadic breathing.

Harrison grabbed my arm and I whipped around faster than I meant to, placing myself closer to him than was beneficial at that time. He was right above me, close enough to-

_Stop._

"I'm sorry I let you see that," he said. "It should wear off in a few minutes."

I had to take a moment to breathe correctly again and try to get rid of the confused/rage/desire I was feeling. "I should hope so," I said as calmly as I could. I just wanted to reach up… he was so close! It wouldn't even matter in the long run; he wouldn't blame me for it. Nobody was watching. I could just…

_Stop! _

I clenched my jaw but it only seemed to make the craving worse. It only confused and enraged me more. There was a job to be done; why couldn't I have some common sense and just get this done quickly?

I was close enough now that I could smell his cologne, something that wouldn't normally have had an effect of me, but it pushed me that much farther toward the edge. I realized I had subconsciously stepped even farther into Harrison and that I had gripped his jacket rather securely. My body seemed to be acting on these emotions whether it had my consent or not.

Harrison's pupils dilated and I was almost positive mine had as well. My thoughts were void and illogical; it was immediately apparent why Vulcans refrained from showing and falling victim to their emotions, or in this case, another's emotions.

I knew I wouldn't be able to keep control much longer.

"You'll regret it later," he said softly, well aware of my intentions. "These aren't your emotions, remember," he said but it was obvious that he didn't really care if they were my emotions or not.

I slid my hand up his chest to his lapel and pulled him down to me. He didn't resist and closed the gap between us entirely and kissed me. His hands slipped down and around my waist leaving trails of goose bumps wherever they went. I didn't have a single moment of not knowing what I was doing; I let him take full advantage of me and found myself at peace not knowing. He pushed me back against the desk so I was trapped with no escape from his grasp. I opened my mouth and he let off the smallest bit as I breathed in the air from his lungs. My hands wound themselves into his hair and he grabbed at my back to pull me closer. His strength was much more apparent in this situation than any we had been in before. One of my hands rested on his neck and I could feel the muscles pulling and working there.

I felt a sudden mental tug and opened my eyes. I looked confusedly up at Harrison who stood as before with my hand on his face. We stood in the middle of the office, sharing nothing but mental proximity. His eyes opened after a second and I withdrew my hand immediately, having been wrenched away from what apparently was still Harrison's mind.

He looked at me peacefully for a moment before his expression turned to apprehension as mine had already.

"I'm-" he started but I was afraid to hear him say any words that may incriminate us both of the twisted fantasy I had just witnessed and been a part of.

"I'll attend to Mr. Spock as soon as possible," I cut him off. "Contact me when you have a plan," I finished quickly. "Good day, sir."


	5. Chapter 5

okeeeedoke so there are some things i gotta explain before y'all read this

just know that i personally am not proud of this little section and there are some inconsistencies with Star Trek lore having to do with pon farr but it's essential for later parts of the story so just

deal with it

sorry

ehe

also there are other inconsistencies and i am sorry but i don't know everything and sometimes my understanding of stuff is a lil different so i am sorry and i know they're there i just i dunno just yeah i

dunno

also there was something else i needed to say but i forgot what it was...

i dunno

here lemme say this real quick though; Sulu, Uhura, Spock (opt), and Bones (opt) are written as the characters from the original series but everybody else is supposed to be written as the reboot and as you can see, Spock and Bones are slightly interchangable although there are some spots where you'll see i lean more toward one or the other

so

yeah

thank

*bows*

I saluted quickly, not even waiting for his return salute and rushed from the office, flinging the door open roughly and letting it close as it pleased. I flew down the hallway and down the stairs at the end of the hallway. I tried to slow my pace to look a little more natural as I went across campus to the infirmary where I had just been not three hours ago. I wondered briefly what could be wrong with Mr. Spock that Harrison had already known about.

I didn't really care though. I had more concerning things on my mind; more concerning emotions than I had ever experienced. I wondered if Harrison was somehow part Deltan or something of the like because his emotions were out of control, especially when it came to desire and passion. I tried to push the thoughts from my mind but it was almost impossible. I was still raw with emotion that didn't seem to want to go away any time soon. I needed to get myself together or somebody was going to think I had turned into a human.

I pushed everything I felt to the back of my mind so that I could focus on creating a false countenance of calm. It required enough effort that I didn't realize when a small ensign tapped my shoulder. I continued walking.

"Excuse me?"

_Poor boy has no idea what he's doing_, I thought.

"Excuse me, Peleia?"

_Odd, somebody else has my name. I knew I wasn't the only other Vulcan in all of Starfleet._

A hand grabbed my shoulder lightly and I turned around.

"I'm sorry ma'am, are you Peleia?"

My brain took a moment to connect the voice to what I was seeing and I realized that this ensign had been looking for me.

"Yes, I apologize," I said, looking at him.

"Eet ees no problem. May I esk you a question queeckly?" he asked. "Oh, Ensign

Pavel Chekov," he added and stuck out a hand. I shook the curly-haired boy's hand and nodded for him to continue.

"Eet ees Mr. Spock. I'm afraid there ees somethink wrong with heem that only you ken feex," he said, his heavy Russian accent almost impossible for my already confused mind to decipher.

"Alright, how can I help?" I asked. "Is he in the infirmary?"

"Yees ma'am; I weell take you to heem," he said and led me in the direction I had already been headed.

"What are his symptoms?" I asked. "It would be helpful if I knew what I was dealing with, don't you agree, Ensign?" I asked.

"Yees, of course. He said eet ees pon farr," Chekov explained but it was obvious he did not realize what pon farr was.

"Alright," I said. This would at least take my mind from recent events that I would rather not dwell on for fear of becoming overcome with emotions that I did not wish to have.

Pon farr wasn't anything I had been forced to deal with up to then. To describe it in Layman's terms, it was a very dangerous fever. All Vulcans were forced through it every seven years of their adult lives; they were forced to mate or die, but there were certain Vulcan rituals that could be performed to ease the suffering and prevent loss of life. Although I had never performed them myself, I knew the concept and theory of them and was relatively confident in my ability to aid Mr. Spock at this time.

It was curious to me though that there seemed to be nobody able to do it besides myself. I was not entirely familiar with pon farr as I had yet to experience it myself. I had believed that it was slightly inappropriate for a Vulcan to participate in another's pon farr, but as I have expressed, I did not know of the complete workings of this so called blood fever. I had been acquainted with Spock before he left to join Starfleet, however, and I assumed our connection in that way would have prompted him to mention my name.

"What ees pon farr?" Chekov asked after a moment. "Why ees Lieutenant Spock so... emotional?" he asked.

"Pon farr is a chemical imbalance that must be endured every seven years of an adult Vulcan's life. They must mate or die," I said and Chekov looked at me with horror, "or there are certain rituals that can be performed to avert death," I said.

We stepped into the elevator and Chekov commanded it to take us to the fifth level. The elevator lifted us in a timely fashion and we stepped out. There was a large commotion down one of the hallways and Chekov looked nervously at it.

"That ees heem," he said. "He ees ekting so strange... he ees tearink the rooms apart," he said. I hid a shudder. I had known enough of my kind to have been killed by pon farr to take this behavior seriously.

Chekov led me down the hall until we stopped in front of a doctor scribbling on an old-fashioned clipboard.

"Thees ees Peleia," Chekov said and the doctor looked up from his clipboard.

"Peleia," he said and motioned Chekov off, "Doctor Leonard McCoy," he introduced himself and shook my hand. I was momentarily confused as to why all these people felt it necessary to shake my hand instead of salute, but quickly realized that these people were not used to academy life. They had been among the stars for years probably. "Now, are you sure you want to do this?" he asked and his tone concerned me.

"What do you require of me?" I asked.

"He's been asking for you - by name - and I think he... well..."

There was an audible groan from the room where doctors and guards surrounded. I wished this doctor would finish speaking so that I could tend to Spock.

"I know the mechanics of pon farr; I know how to cure him," I said and began to step around him but he grabbed my arm.

"I _know_ you know how to cure him, but-"

There was another cry, louder this time.

"I do not understand why you do not simply allow me in the room," I said becoming more anxious.

"Listen lady, I'm a _doctor_; this is what I _do_ - and believe me, I would cure him if he would let me, but the thing is, he's chosen _you_," he said impatiently.

"It is natural to wish the company of an acquaintance in situations as these-"

"No, he's chosen you as his mate, don't you _get it_?" he spat.

I froze where I was. I didn't want this anymore. The doctor was right to ask me if I really wanted to do this because I didn't. I really, really didn't. Spock had been my friend growing up but never more than that. Our parents had spent ample time together as my father was the ambassador to Romulus and had taken the same path as Spock's father; marriage to a woman of his assigned planet. But Spock and I hardly even spoke anymore, let alone...

I didn't even want to think the words. "Are you sure?" I asked.

"I _know_ what I'm doing; I'm positive," the doctor said. "But if you don't do something about it, he's gonna _die_ in there and I know _plenty_ of people who would _never_ forgive you, _me_ being one of them."

I swallowed. I had two choices to choose from here because letting Spock die was not an option. I could either submit and be his mate - I shuddered at thinking of my old friend becoming my husband - or declare kal-if-fee. I had no idea who I would choose as my champion, but the latter seemed most logical in this instance.

Or perhaps the former was. There was no reason for me to think I would ever have another mate. I could think of no other Vulcan that would ever choose me. Not only that, but neither Spock nor I would ever have to worry about pon farr again. Normal life would be infinitely easier for the both of us.

But for some reason deep in my gut, I knew this was something I would not let happen. This was something I did not want.

My parents would be furious if they ever found out. A chance to marry a Vulcan of such high regard and merit would not have been passed up by any other, but I'm afraid I was letting emotion govern choice. I did not want to marry Spock, so I would choose a champion and they would fight for my hand.

Either way, I was going to need to choose a mate much sooner than I had anticipated.

"_Look_ _lady_, I don't know what you're thinking about in that _weird_ Vulcan mind of yours but _Spock_ doesn't have much time. He's half _human_ remember? He's not gonna last," McCoy said.

"I am ready," I said.

"What, so you're just gonna go in there guns blazing? This isn't a _candy shop_; it's an _armory_," he said.

"Doctor, I have a plan. Please let me pass," I said.

McCoy looked at me skeptically and then let go of my arm. I skirted past him and to the door, opening it more quickly than probably was advisable.

"Stay out!" a tray of medical supplies came flying at me and I ducked, putting my hands over my head and face. It soared over my head and out the door, crashing against the wall in the hallway.

"Spock!" I said, "Spock it's me!"

I looked up at the crazed Vulcan and he rushed over to me, holding me by my arms to return me to my standing position. He pulled me into the room and slammed the door, yanking me around roughly.

"Peleia," he said, letting off a head full of steam and sounding much more relieved. "Peleia, thank you for coming," he said, "I was not sure how much longer I would last," he said. I hated to crush his delusional hopes and tell him I was declaring kal-if-fee, but it needed to be done; he would thank me in the end… or perhaps he would only hate me.

Regrettably, my thoughts were not going nearly as fast as Spock was. Before I could even think twice, Spock had his arms wrapped around me and had pulled me up into his grasp. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine in a quick escalation of events. He let out a moan of satiation and I squirmed in my skin. This was not at all how I had pictured this day going.

I pushed my hands at his chest, attempting to detach myself from him but he pulled me closer, trapping my hands between us. I attempted to move my feet but Spock misinterpreted that as well. He pushed me up against the wall and I began to panic more. What on earth had I gotten myself into? This was not part of my plan…

But perhaps it was better than what I had come up with.

I slid my hand as best I could up to Spock's shoulder and, feeling sorry for Spock already, pinched as hard as I could, sending a wave of paralysis through his body. He fell to the floor in front of me unmoving.

I took a deep breath, realizing I had just performed the Vulcan nerve pinch on a higher officer than myself. I sincerely hoped Spock would forgive me when he woke.

The room seemed much quieter without all the commotion Spock had been causing and I took a few moments to catch my breath. Everything had caught me by surprise and I had been unable to act logically for several moments. I wasn't sure how long Spock would stay out as I had never performed the pinch on another Vulcan but judged it would be roughly long enough for the doctor to heal him. It was now far from my comfort zone to stay in the room with Spock for fear of him waking and considering me a traitor.

"Doctor!" I yelled and the door flew open immediately. Doctor McCoy stepped in and spotted us immediately.

"Good _goodness_ woman! _This_ was your plan?" he asked and rushed over to Spock.

"Not exactly."

"What did you _do_ to him?"

"It was only a nerve pinch. I wager he should be unconscious just long enough for you to execute the ceremony," I said and stepped carefully around the two of them.

"What happened? What on earth _was_ your plan?"

"To pronounce kal-if-fee," I said. "Perhaps if you had notified me a little earlier, Spock's actions would not have been so irrational that I was forced to incapacitate him. I did not have time to speak a single word to him, let alone select a champion and have them battle," I said haughtily.

"Ya know, it would have been a lot _easier_ if you had just _accepted_. Then I wouldn't have to worry about this in another seven years," he muttered.

I pushed my emotions back so that I would be able to hold more reasonable conversations with this man who was so easily enraged. I took a cleansing breath and began to step out of the room.

"I am sorry for this inconvenience, Doctor McCoy. Please inform me if you have any further need for me," I said and turned away.

"Hey wait, kid. You better stick around; he'll probably want to see you when he wakes up," McCoy said and I stopped in the doorway. Ensign Chekov was just down the hallway, greeting other officers and sending them running down the hallway. I judged this would not be an experience I would enjoy. "Help me get him onto this table," the doctor said and I turned my attention away from the crew members rushing to the room.

"Yes, sir," I said and helped the doctor transfer Spock to the table across the room. "If that is all you need, I will wait outside and grant you the necessary privacy until Lieutenant Spock comes to," I said. I saluted the doctor and he waved me away. I arrived at the door just as the crew members did and exited, closing the door before they could get into the room. I did not mean to be rude, but it was customary to heal pon farr in private.

"Hey, wait a second. Let us in," the captain said but I did not move from my spot in front of the door. Instead, I saluted the captain and he was forced to return it. "At ease, cadet," he said, realizing that I wasn't going to let him in. "Why won't you let us in?"

"Lieutenant Spock is currently experiencing pon farr. The cure, which Doctor McCoy is completing presently, is to be done in private in accordance with Vulcan tradition. Mr. Spock will be available for conversing in approximately seven minutes, but until then, I advise you to remain here," I said, gaining back my usual Vulcan syntax.

The exceptionally diverse crew looked at the captain who was still looking at me.

"Alright," he said after a moment. "What exactly is pon farr?" he asked.

"Pon farr is a hormonal disparity," I said, varying my vocabulary from when I had last explained it. "All Vulcans must experience it every seven years of their mature lives. It is a time period of roughly eight days in which said Vulcan must mate or die," there was another pass of disgusted looks at me as with Chekov before, "or somebody must perform the custom, which Doctor McCoy is at present, to avoid fatality. Pon farr is also known as 'blood fever' because of the inflated emotional output that can sometimes cause the Vulcan to kill or take advantage of any females in the area."

The crew looked at me curiously and, in some cases, as if I had very little right to be there. It was a point about humans that I often marveled at; their ability to immediately assume the higher position over other species.

"Who are you?" one asked in a thick Scottish accent.

"Cadet fourth degree Peleia," I answered.

"An' what righ' do you 'ave to tell us what to do?" he asked.

"Scotty," the woman reprimanded.

"Excuse me for not adequately explicating the circumstances," I said. "Mr. Spock and I grew up together on Vulcan. I was summoned here because he had proclaimed me as his mate," several eyebrows went up, "but before I could state my intentions of kal-if-fee, he advanced and I was forced to enact defensive measures and thus debilitated Mr. Spock in order to protect myself. He should be awake in five minutes at which time you will be allowed inside this room," I finished.

All eyes were on me, looking with either horror or fascination, or sometimes both. I had not meant to attract so much attention, but the story at hand was an irregular one and humans thrive on irregularity.

"Alright," the captain said, "everybody calm down. We'll have Spock back in no time."

"'Ey wait, how do we know she's trustworthy?" the one called Scotty asked.

I looked at the man at the same time as the captain and answered, "Vulcans do not lie," concurrently with him. The captain looked back at me and grinned. He turned fully towards me again and held out his hand for me to shake.

"Jim Kirk," he said and I shook his hand. He was thinking at that moment how hard it would be to move me from cadet to officer on his ship. I smiled at his stupidity and he mistook it for infatuation, winking slyly.

"Do not get too excited, Captain," I said and the captain immediately thought of how foolish he was to think I would be bumped up quickly, "you already have one Vulcan on your ship; I doubt you need another," I said.

The captain let go of my hand. "The more the merrier," he said. I'm sure if I had contained an ounce of human emotion, I would be flush green in the face, but I did not feel emotions in that way and was thus unamused.

The captain turned around and sat down with his crew, all sitting along the opposite wall. I puzzled at why humans always felt the need to rest, even if it was only going to be for a moment or two. I was perfectly content standing where I was as the wait would not last much longer.

"So, er... you and Spock..." Scotty started, "what kind of age difference is that? Is it large?"

"Scotty," the woman said again and hit his arm.

"Spock is two years older than me. I do not understand why this question is relevant," I said.

"Well, if 'e expects you to... well, ya know... then is it weird for you?"

"Scotty, that is enough," she said and it was taken to be the end of the conversation.

"If you're only two years younger than him, then why are you only a degree four?" the captain asked.

"Because of my disposition I did not join Starfleet until this year," I said.

"And what disposition is that?" he prodded.

I looked sternly at him. "I have trouble harnessing my emotions unlike many other Vulcans. My mother is Romulan; a race known for their emotional output. I received several extra years of schooling in order to properly contain these emotions and proceed with a logical lifestyle. Captain, if you wish to make conversation, I do wish that it was not centered on me," I finished.

"Then what do you suggest we talk about?" asked the captain.

"I prefer silence over meaningless banter," I said. "If you have nothing to talk about, then there is no reason to speak."

Kirk's thoughts could not have been plainer, even if I had been touching him: _I should have known it would be no fun talking to a Vulcan_.

The hallway sat in silence for the next three minutes; a silence that I appreciated but that I could feel was uncomfortable for all others involved.

The door opened behind me and everybody jumped. The captain was first, scooting past me to get into the room. I slid out of the way and the entire crew entered the room as Doctor McCoy yelled, "One at a time! One at a time!" it was obviously no use though. I turned to him as he stood helplessly by the door.


	6. Chapter 6

sorry these are so short i just

i am uncomfortable publishing work that i haven't been able to look over at least seven-thousand times

granted this is one of those parts

but

it's short

so maybe okay

also you'll notice that i don't use cuss words or take the Lord's name in vain like in the last chapter bones said "good goodness" so just

i guess ignore that

it's just a personal thing so you will probably see where those are and you can mentally change them or whatever just know that i'm not going to cos i'm not comfortable with it

so anywho

here

thank

*bows*

"You can go in," he said. "Doesn't really matter anymore." the doctor sighed and stood by the door while the other crewmen crowded around Spock's bed.

I entered the room but stayed near the door with Doctor McCoy.

"Spock, buddy, how are you?" Kirk asked and it was followed by a hundred other remarks from the crew. I would probably wait until they had all had their say to speak with him as it was logical that I do so.

"I am fine captain. Where is Peleia?" I heard Spock say and saw him sit up. Perhaps it was not as logical as I had assumed.

"Spock, honey, we thought you were gonna die!" the woman said.

"I assure you Lieutenant Uhura, I am fine. Please tell me where Peleia is; I wish to speak with her."

"C'mon Spock, we're your friends! Give us a minute with ya," Scotty said.

"There is nothing more to be said. I have assured you that I am in good health and it is obvious to me that you all are as well. I have more important matters to discuss with Peleia than with any of you," he said and the crew all seemed slightly offended. I wasn't sure I would ever understand human logic. "Please tell me where she is or otherwise bring her here-"

Just then, Spock spotted me across the room and stood up off the bed. He shouldered gently through his mates to approach me. I stood at attention.

"Lieutenant," I addressed him.

Spock returned my salute. "As you were, Peleia," he said. He looked strangely endearing toward me; an emotion I was familiar with but that I had not expressed myself since the last time I had seen him. He became much more quiet and humble in my presence. "I must apologize for my previous actions and any effect they may have had on you," he said. His crew was watching our exchange and the Romulan part of me wished they would go away. Vulcan traditions and ceremonies did not mean anything to them and the fact that Spock had chosen me as his mate meant even less, although I must admit, that tidbit of information was just beginning to register in my own mind. I wanted Spock to ask them to leave.

I took his hand before he could say another word and expressed my feelings. Spock nodded and spoke without taking his gaze from me.

"Captain, would you be so kind as to escort your crew from the area? I need to speak to Peleia in private," he said and Kirk looked at him confusedly. For whatever reason, Kirk apparently did not understand the idea of privacy.

Spock turned around to look at them when they did not respond. "Captain?" he said.

"Anything you need to say to her you can say to us," Kirk said.

"On the contrary, Captain, these are matters of Vulcan tradition to be discussed in private. In any other situation, I would agree with you, but this is a matter of extreme confidential importance," he said.

"Spock, what has gotten into you?" he asked.

"I'm afraid I do not understand the question. There is nothing more in me now than there was ten minutes ago," he said.

The crew looked at each other and then to the captain.

"It's fine," he said, clearly hiding his frustration toward Spock for the good of the crew. "We'll be outside," he said and swept from the room, his crew following him in time.

McCoy didn't need to be asked twice and was already waiting outside in the hallway. Kirk held the door for his crew and gave Spock one last look before disappearing himself and closing the door with a click.

Spock looked back at me after a moment and I felt more casual than when we were being watched. Spock may have been my higher up, but he was my friend more than anything else... at least, as close to a friend as I could get.

"Peleia," he said, taking both of my hands. I could tell that he was still feeling a great deal of emotion as a side effect. "Please forgive my… ineffability... I am still... feeling," he said with difficulty.

"Spock," I said, "you are well aware that I understand emotion better than many others," I said and he nodded, smiling a bit. "It is good to see you again," I said softly.

"I admit that I do feel much more at ease in your company. It is more agreeable to me to be in the company of somebody who understands," he said.

"It is human nature," I said.

"Or Romulan," he added. I was glad to see that Spock felt comfortable enough to joke. It would potentially help this conversation to stay light-hearted rather than grave, as it may seem normally.

"Precisely," I said, imitating one of Spock's favorite words. Spock smiled a bit, looking at the ground.

"Peleia," he said, looking back up at me, "in all seriousness, there is much to be discussed." He held my hand and pulled me to a couple of chairs beside the window. It would seem that Spock had adapted several of the human's way on his journeys.

I wasn't sure if it was my still raw and borrowed emotions or perhaps my own emotions that made me think just for that moment that I was glad to be holding Spock's hand.

Spock looked at me with one eyebrow raised and the remnants of a smile brushed across his face.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I still know your thoughts," he said gently.

This time I really did blush and I was sure I was as green as an apple. Spock's countenance softened and he waited for me to sit down before doing so himself.

"I am sorry," I said, retracting my emotions again. Spock seemed suddenly disappointed.

"Peleia," Spock said, "if there is one thing that you learn from this place, it is that emotion is not a bad thing," he said. "It may be an illogical and strange concept to accept, but it is natural for, if you'll excuse the term, half-bloods as us to feel of our own account occasionally and perhaps even act on those emotions. On the other hand, it is obvious why emotions hinder logic and why we must be cautious of them. But never feel as though you must apologize for your feelings; only your behavior, and I see no behavior to be ashamed of as of late," he finished, digressing slightly from the topic at hand. "That being said, I must explain to you my feelings and account for my behavior," he said.

I nodded but was still trying to come to grips with this casual attitude toward emotion. On Vulcan, emotion was not only discouraged, but actually considered a shameful thing. To hear that it would be acceptable from somebody that I trusted and had grown up with made me more comfortable, but it would still be an adjustment.

"You know me better than probably anybody in this entire installation but as I thought how obvious it was for me to choose you, I realized of your ignorance in the matter," he said although he seemed to be ignorant of my knowledge. "To be candid, our parents wish us very much to be married," he said.

"I had assumed as much," I replied.

"And I knew you would but… Peleia," he said, seeming to become more desperate in his attitude, "it is my firm belief that I still would have chosen you had I had a choice in the matter. I can envision no rational other for my future," he said. "I realize that we have been apart for many years, but knowing your thoughts now and further knowing your heart has given me the courage to confess my sentiment," he said.

Spock had gathered both of my hands into his and was holding fast to them. I could feel emotions ebbing from him but could not differentiate between those left over from his pon farr and those that were his own conscious ones.

"I recognize that some of these emotions could be simply miscellany from previously," he said, becoming more desperate, "but… I want this… I want you," he said with difficulty, "and I do not mean to say that in an animalistic sense," he said becoming increasingly aware and cautious of his words, "although I do not deny my attraction to you in that way," his feelings of inadequacy were mounting, "but not in the human definition exactly," his words were rushing together, "please Peleia, do not mistake my unintelligent speech for feeblemindedness," he said, "I assure you; I am more than capable and worthy of husbandry," he shook his head, continuing to ramble and only getting faster, "I mean that I qualify to common standards; I do not mean to say that I am better than all others," a chord of fear struck him, "but I do believe that I am the best for you… not that you are incapable of finding a more suitable mate-"

"Spock," I said, stopping his snowballing speech before it could hurt his pride any more. I was far from offended by anything Spock said if only because I knew he meant well and I understood the feelings of inadequacy that came with confessions of this sort. I was actually smiling, his emotions telling me what I needed to know about his intentions. "Your words are not necessary," I said, "I understand your meaning." There was no question in my mind as to what my decision would be.

Spock relaxed a bit and looked back up at me as his gaze had wandered the farther down his slippery slope he had gone. I didn't know how this was all going to work out or if it was even allowed for a higher officer to marry a cadet, especially if I was going to be advanced in my studies as Spock was thinking at the moment.

We spent a couple of moments in silence, simply mingling in each other's thoughts with no walls put up; no secrets to hide. I felt Spock prodding around in the life that I had led for the previous five years to see what I had done. I found myself doing the same to him. I was momentarily distracted by the faces peeking in the small window on the door and decided that our time was probably up for that day.

"Arrangements will be made in time," he said. "We will meet again soon."

I smiled and we stood. I followed him to the door but I didn't want him to go just yet. I wanted to calm his qualms of having embarrassed himself too badly or having forced me through fear into submission to his marriage proposal. He was the only person that I actually knew around here; to be honest, he was my only friend. I was glad I had not yet messed up with him.

He reached for the door handle but I grabbed his hand.

"Wait a moment, Spock," I said and he focused his attention entirely on me again. I looked endearingly at him and touched his cheek. He leaned his face into my hand a bit and I took a quick chance that I wouldn't normally have. I stood up on my toes and kissed him gently. He didn't seem to have the slightest of problems with it and I could feel his knot of anxiety loosen and untie. He squeezed my hand tenderly and broke away after a lingering moment. "Promise me you will be back soon," I said, having seen that he would be leaving as soon as possible to report back to the Enterprise.

"You know I cannot do that," he said, stepping a little closer and pulling me into his arms. I sighed and laid my head against his chest. He rested his chin on my head and spoke softly. "But I promise that you will see me again soon," he said. "I will speak with Admiral Pike right away," he assured me.

I tightened my grip on him, sliding my hands across his back to show my appreciation for his future efforts and also his general presence at that moment. I was also, quite frankly, enthralled by these new emotions I was now allowed to express and was eager to take advantage of them for as long as I had.

Although I was confused at what my emotions were even doing. I was wondering if I was simply taking advantage of whatever emotions I could find or if I had an honest love for Spock when just minutes ago I had been repulsed by the idea of our marriage. I suppose it didn't matter anymore…

It began to register with me what exactly I had just done but I didn't have time right now to think about that.

Spock returned my gesture, pulling me into a pocket of safety that I thought I never wanted to leave. Here I didn't have to worry about which group of goons was going to intimidate me next or what my parents would have me do or how in the world I was going to help John Harrison…

I realized my mistake in thoughts immediately although I was well aware that Spock was not listening in and distracted him by lifting my face from his chest so that he could lean down and kiss me again. He was a bit more fervent in this second (technically third) kiss but stayed gentle and demonstrated his self control. His hands spread out across my back and he pressed more against me. Goose bumps popped up on my arms and he squeezed me tightly one last time before withdrawing.

"Fascinating," he said. "I believe I understand why humans find the act of kissing so enjoyable, when it is done with the right person."

"I quite agree," I said and smiled at him. There was some shuffling outside the door. "I think your crew is a little eager to see you again," I said.

Spock nodded and let me go after another moment. "You will be hearing from me soon," he said. He opened the door and let me out first.

The crew didn't even seem to notice me and I started immediately down the hallway. I was halfway down the hall before I heard a call.

"Peleia," Spock called and I turned around immediately. He stood surrounded by his crew who were still all swooning over his presence but took a slight moment to stand more at attention and raise his hand in a Vulcan salute. "Live long and prosper," he said and I squared myself, raising my own hand as the Scottish man mimicked us as well.

"Peace and long life," I returned and lowered my salute.

I turned around and continued down the hallway as Spock's friends and fellow colleagues embraced him. I smiled to myself. It pleased me greatly to think that I did have at least one friend in this world and that maybe eventually, I would never have to leave his presence; I would never have to go back to the way it was then; I could be as reserved as I liked because there was one person in the world that loved me and that was all that mattered.

I walked obliviously into the elevator with my head pointed down so I could focus on my thoughts rather than my surroundings, probably not the greatest of idea, but what I was doing nonetheless…

… But there was another thought that entered my mind and kept me from exercising more caution; a thought I had been avoiding.

John Harrison.

What a complicated case that was turning out to be. In light of the most recent events in my life I was not entirely positive whether it was still wise for him to trust me. I took a somewhat third person view on what I was dealing with. I was a naturally honest person but I was more than capable of lying; it was another of those problem areas I had. If it so came to it, I could lie to Spock about my involvement in this escape effort with John Harrison but it would be too much of a risk. Spock would know immediately if I lied to him. Perhaps if it didn't come up, there would be no lying involved whatsoever. But Harrison would surely want to use my higher connection to get to Marcus. I could see no scenario in which he would be willing to find a different path than that. To have Spock on your side was practically like knowing anything and everything you needed to; facing access to every resource and every schedule that would be needed.

I was momentarily distracted as I got caught in the wave of people exiting and entering the elevator on the ground level.

There arose in my mind the fact that Marcus seemed to like Spock, but his attitude toward me was much less than a liking. Perhaps this bitterness would come in handy for getting help from Spock, who I knew would gain a certain defensiveness over me.

But I didn't want help from him. I wanted him as far from this sticky situation as possible. In fact, I wanted the same for myself. There was no telling how Harrison might react though; he was like an unstable atom that could end up solving some universal problem or destroying the universe entirely.

There was nobody I could go to for help either. This case was confidentially sensitive. This would have to be solved in the confines of my own mind without any help from others.

I nearly ran into a wall I hadn't realized wasn't a door and sidestepped it quickly, almost then running into Admiral Pike.

"Admiral, excuse me," I said apologetically.

"No problem, cadet," he said and I began to sidestep him but he took my shoulder. "You aren't Peleia, are you?" he asked, noticing my pointed ears and eyebrows.

I looked up at him and nodded shyly.

"Well you're the reason I'm here, aren't you?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Lieutenant Spock paged me about you," he said. "Said he wanted to recommend you for something," he finished.

I opened my mouth to speak but I wasn't sure what to say. It took me a moment of thought before replying, "Do you require my presence for this recommendation?"

Pike thought for a moment. "I suppose not yet, but stick around campus. I trust Spock; he's probably right whatever he has to say," he said.

"Yes, sir," I said and saluted.

He returned it. "See you soon enough, cadet," he said and went past me to the elevator.


	7. Chapter 7

this is about where i started going crazy and i was hormonal and stuff so like

sorry guys

but

still

i dunno

i hate updating when i haven't read and edited it at least seven thousand times as i said before

but

i dunno

i just don't wanna leave y'all hangin

this chapter is very subject to change and if it has any inconsistencies with the rest of the story it's cos i haven't edited it enough

and holy cow it's nine thousand words

oops

anyway

so

yep

thank

*bows*

I watched him for a moment before turning and exiting the building atrium to stand in the sunlight. I loved the sunlight on this planet better than I had on Vulcan, but my skin was light enough and I had been called 'spotlight' enough that I knew to stay in the shade. I made for the benches under the trees just to my right and sat down, crossing my legs casually as I waited for whatever recommendation Spock felt fit to give me.

A shuttle took off above me and I knew it was Harrison's. I gave myself perhaps half an hour before he found the time to contact me and by then he would be aware of my situation; that is that I was engaged to the lieutenant and that I had been promoted. Spock had made it very clear in his thoughts that he would find a way for us to be closer.

I took out my tablet to see seventeen new transfers had been made that had nothing to do with me. There was a message about the Enterprise's slight delay. Numbers and names flipped around along the side of the screen, very similarly to airport signs of the early twenty-first century and I saw Harrison's shuttle flight disappear after having said departed. Other than these few things, there seemed to be no new and pressing matters on the Starfleet Network. I swept the page away to reveal the current news for the place my parents were living in on New Vulcan. It was unfamiliar to me almost entirely, besides familiar names. The feed was rather inactive; not much happens on a planet where nobody emotes.

It appeared that there had been a new delegation of power which had gone over smoothly and as far as I could see, my parents had managed to stay out of the news. I lingered on the page for a moment. A new birth popped up just as I switched back to my humming Starfleet feed but I thought nothing of it.

There was still nothing of use on my Starfleet message board and I set my tablet to sleep before putting it back into my inside uniform pocket. I took to observing the people around me and wondered what all of their duties could possibly be. It was obvious to me that it took much more than just a few admirals to keep this academy going; it was an actual living and breathing organism that required the help of every participant. There was not a person without a task around, including myself although I may have looked deceiving. Many people looked at me as such; as if my outward appearance reflected my inward attitude. I suppose I could have chosen a less conspicuous spot to sit and wait but it was illogical to do so then. I had already spent a considerable amount of time on this bench; it would be silly to relocate for a small period of time before I was called upon again.

Instead of dwelling on such petty matters, I closed my eyes and secluded my conscious being from the world around me. I needed to meditate; I needed to sort out which of my current troubles should be handled first and how. I tried at first forcing each individual problem to the forefront of my mind but it was not going very well. After a bit of effort, I sat back and waited. Each thought would, in time, drift to its appropriate slot in my mind allowing me to more adequately focus on one problem at a time. I didn't dwell on the thoughts as I knew that wouldn't help me but instead found myself drifting peacefully among them. I knew my mind would naturally sort things out if I left it alone for a bit.

Perhaps this is where the human phrase "sleep on it" comes from, I thought fuzzily. The mind has a special way of making sure those things which are most important are done first if you only give it the time to decide.

I could no longer hear anything from outside my body and was entirely focused inward. My thoughts were like tiny organisms; they each had within them an entire complicated slew of events and facts. Some of them intertwined with small gleaming tentacles (being a very visual person, I sensed thoughts and emotions as actual living images rather than the void that would otherwise be there for most other people) while others had practically joined into one. I floated lazily among them until I hit a wall which I assumed to be my thoughts' destination. I looked at the one beside me on the wall, the only other thing there, and delved into it.

This particular thought was a new one entirely that I had yet to contemplate; if I was promoted and began work on the starship Enterprise, I would be that much more available for Harrison to get to. I would be that much closer to him; it would be that much easier to discover his true motives; the ones that had been behind locked doors and brick walls when I had joined minds with him.

This led me to another approaching thought. I needed this promotion. I needed it to get to Harrison and Admiral Marcus alike and I needed it because-

Another thought came to me and I could see a flurry more following it. I needed it because I needed Spock. I needed Spock like I needed air which scared me more than anything else at the time. I could already feel a new and stronger bond growing between us. It frightened me to think that my natural Vulcan instinct would soon have me dependent on another being. I knew what would happen; we had all been taught. I was afraid to be so dependent on Spock but wanted to slap myself for thinking so at the same time.

I could tell that this transition wasn't going to be the best for me. I so badly just wanted to be with Spock but at the same time, I didn't want to feel like that! It would be so much easier if I could love him on my terms rather than my Vulcan half's terms.

A voice broke into my solitude but didn't tear me away entirely.

"We best not disturb her," it said. "I sense she can hear us now at any rate; it shall only be a moment more."

"Whatever you say, Spock," another said.

I took a moment to unhinge myself from the depths of my own mind before opening my eyes and looking up at Spock and Admiral Pike.

"My apologies," I said, standing and saluting. They each acknowledged me.

"At ease cadet," the admiral said. "I suppose we'd better get this over with quickly," he said, "I hear you're supposed to be back on your ship already," he directed at Spock.

"Yes, sir, but considering the circumstances…"

"Yes, yes…" the admiral paused, taking Spock a bit aside, "are you sure you've really thought about this Spock? She just got here," he said.

Spock looked over at me for a moment and smiled a bit before turning back to Pike. "I am positive Admiral. She is better prepared than probably four fifths of the rest of the crew aboard the Enterprise. Peleia has demonstrated great skill and intelligence as her statistics show," he said.

Pike looked as if he were going to say something but he held off, nodding slowly and then turning back to me.

"You know," he said, holding out his hand to shake mine, "I've only ever done this once before and it was with that kid over there," he said, referring to Spock. I shook the admiral's hand and he took a breath before speaking again. "You will report to the starship Enterprise immediately with Lieutenant Spock. Welcome to Starfleet…" he had to take another breath that obviously said he didn't know why he did risky things like this, "Ensign Peleia." He smiled and gave my hand one last shake.

My eyes widened. "I- but- Admiral, this is going against four Starfleet regulations that I can think of at the moment-"

"She's just like you Spock," the admiral joked, looking at Spock. "Just don't go yelling it out to the world."

"But Admiral, this is hardly-" I looked at Spock but he seemed to have sided with the admiral. "I… but…" I took a squared myself and accepted the information as quickly as I could. "Thank you Admiral," I said.

"Just don't screw it up," he said, giving me the eyebrow before backing up to look at Spock who was suppressing a grin as well. "Mr. Spock," he saluted and Spock returned it, "take good care of her, won't you?" he said and I knew he was referring to the ship but Spock glanced very subtly at me before answering,

"Yes, sir."

Pike walked away after one last look of having lost all control of his mind. He wandered back towards the offices with a sort of skeptical smile on his face. I watched him walk away before turning back to Spock who was smiling more widely at me now. I couldn't help but share it; I could be allowed this one moment right?

I took a step closer to him, narrowing the gap between us, and he took my hands into his.

"How did you do it?" I asked.

Spock looked slightly bashful at the thought and glanced at the ground before answering me. "Some Vulcan persuasion never hurt anybody," he said and I laughed, actually laughed. That was something I hadn't had the privilege of doing for a long time but I let myself go for just a moment. I was so indescribably happy; I had everything I needed right in front of me and I wouldn't have to part from him ever again... or at least for a while.

I reached up to kiss him quickly but he held me there for an extra second or two before releasing me again. "Let's get going; the crew will be waiting," he said.

I couldn't help but smile. My emotions were getting the best of me and if I wasn't careful, I was going to turn into a variety of animal before this day was done.

Spock squeezed my hand for a moment before leading me off into the crowds of people. I walked beside him and slightly behind as he knew better than I did where we were headed, but several times he glanced back and beckoned me to walk beside him or even fell back to walk beside me. That made it even harder to get that goofy smile of my face.

"There will be a change of uniform on the ship," Spock said, realizing that I had little to no idea how this was all going to work out. "You will be assigned to the bridge with me most of the time but you are an ensign now. That means you will fulfill every duty that any higher officer places on you, but..." he looked at me, "you already knew that," he said. "Forgive me; I am not used to working with those whose intelligence is matched with my own."

"A trespass easily forgiven," I said.

"If you have any questions, I would be obliged to answer them as is required, but otherwise, I trust you will not find life on a starship difficult at all," he finished and led me into a hangar type area. He started immediately for a shuttle across the large center aisle and I followed him. We were two shuttle lengths away when he stopped and turned to me. "I am sorry," he said suddenly. "Today has gone rather quickly and unexpectedly for you I am sure and I apologize for any emotional distress I may have caused you. Of all people, I have a certain understanding of how it is to only be _half_ Vulcan..." he trailed off, "please pardon my erratic thoughts," he said, "but I am sorry. You hide your emotions well."

"I am not sure I would describe my hiding of emotion in such a high manner as well," I said rather sarcastically.

"At the least, it is better than my own performance today," he said looking at the ground. "I will not allow that to happen again," he said and I realized he was referring to earlier when his reaction to my presence had become rather beastly.

"Spock- er, lieutenant," I said and he waved it off, smiling a bit, "of all the things you could be worrying about, that should not be one of them. It's already forgotten," I said and he looked a bit more at ease. "Well, not forgotten, but you understand my meaning," I said.

"I just wish this could have begun differently," he said.

"You expect too much of yourself," I said. "At least do not dwell on it too much longer; it is not necessary." I felt the urge to touch him; to take his hand or touch his cheek, some sort of physical contact. It scared me how strong the desire was and how quickly it had developed but I held it within me. I needed to remember that he was still my superior officer and he would be until we were in private quarters.

But it was becoming increasingly difficult. My Romulan instincts wanted so badly to take over but they would undoubtedly get me into much more trouble than I wanted so I buried them deep, hoping it was enough to keep them from surfacing any time soon.

"You seem... distressed," he said.

I considered writing it off as nothing but ultimately decided that he was one I could tell.

"I am finding it considerably... difficult to retain my Romulan... desires," I said with difficulty.

"Then you are doing remarkably well, considering," he said. "I do admire your strength."

"Thank you," I said and that very phrase led me to believe that Spock was having his own trouble. He had expressed more emotion in the last few sentences than I ever remembered him having. His general attitude made it hard to distinguish what was human from what was Vulcan. "We should go," I said, catching myself before my Romulan passion could creep up on me again.

"Indeed," he said and we walked to the shuttle. The landing pad beside it was empty and I took it to mean the rest of the crew had already left.

"Lieutenant Spock, good to see you feeling better," the guarding yeoman said as we approached.

"Thank you, Yeoman. This is Ensign Peleia; she has just been promoted and assigned to the Enterprise by Admiral Pike," he said before the small man could get out an argument against me. "If the transfer has not yet been verified on your roster by the admiral, I will take full responsibility for my actions and those of Ensign Peleia's should it be necessary until it is verified," he said, getting straight down to business.

"Yes, sir," the man said and moved aside a bit so we could board the shuttle.

Spock stepped aboard but I paused.

This was what I had been waiting for; this was the reason I had enrolled; so that I could live and work on a starship, ensuring the safety of those endangered and the discovery of those places yet to be discovered. I was there. I was finally at the place I had waited all those years on Vulcan to be at. I was going into space and it was actually slightly terrifying. This was unknown territory for me, even with as much knowledge about space as I had; it was frightening to think I would soon be living there.

"Are you alright?" Spock asked and I was pulled from my thoughts.

"Yes," I said and he handed me in gently. I took one last look at the hangar around me before the door closed and sealed.

The shuttle ride was less than eventful but I took the time to calm myself and get rid of my emotions; completely discarding of them in the way I had been taught to as a child. I banished them from the forefront of my mind until they were no longer visible. If I wasn't thinking too hard about them, they ceased to exist and I was able to clear my mind for intelligent thoughts that were required when working aboard a starship. I refused to look out the window until I was safely aboard the Enterprise. By the time we landed again, successfully in the landing deck of the Enterprise, my emotions were all but naught, besides the occasional surge towards Spock which I allowed myself and which he didn't seem to mind.

We approached the door of the shuttle and this time I didn't pause before getting off although I did feel a wave of honor and respect run over me as I stepped onto the ship.

"The captain will want to see you immediately," Spock said.

"Yes, sir," I replied and I noticed that he had regained his stone-faced attitude on the flight as well.

Spock led me through several corridors where crewmen with red shirts were working to prepare the Enterprise for flight. We came to an elevator and stepped in once the door had opened and its occupants exited.

"Bridge," Spock ordered and we immediately whizzed up to the top floor. The door opened and I had to push very hard against my emotions to keep them under control. The bridge was everything I had imagined and more; this was more than just the Kobayashi Maru; this was the real deal. I was momentarily stunned by the magnificence but got over it before I looked like a complete imbecile.

Spock handed me his tablet which had the verified orders for my promotion and assignment displayed and went to his station, greeting the captain before sitting down. I approached the captain cautiously as our last encounter had been a bit embarrassing... for him.

"Captain," I addressed him and he turned in his chair to see me, "Ensign Peleia. These are my promotion and assignment verifications from Admiral Pike," I said, handing him the tablet. He didn't even look at it but seemed more concerned with my face.

"But-" he struggled to find words, "I thought- aren't you a fourth degree? How did you get promoted? Who recommended you?" he asked in a flurry, more than confused at my appearance on his ship.

"I was recommended to Admiral Pike by Lieutenant Commander Spock and thus promoted and assigned to your starship, Captain," I said. "If this presents a problem, I will request reassignment-"

"Mr. Spock?" he asked, cutting me off.

"Yes, captain?" Spock said, and stood up, approaching us.

"You recommended her?" he asked.

"Yes, sir," he replied.

"But- I mean... Why?" he asked, slightly incredulous about the matter.

"Peleia has shown great expertise in her studies and skill beyond her years. I assumed it would be agreeable to you to have such a remarkable crewman aboard this vessel, Captain. I apologize for acting without your approval; if I had known this assignment was going to cause you distress, I would not have made it," he said.

"Distress-?" he shook his head, "Spock, what has gotten into..." he looked around and saw that most everyone on the bridge was watching. He stood up. "You two, come here," he said and started walking to the lift. "Chekov you have the con," he said.

"Aye, keptin," the ensign I had met earlier replied.

The three of us stepped into the lift. The doors closed and Kirk pressed the stop button.

"Spock," he said, "what are you doing?" he turned to me. "No offense ma'am, but," he faced Spock again; "I don't need her. Heck, all I need is you and Chekov and we could pilot this ship by ourselves. I don't understand why she is suddenly so important to you that you would go entirely out of your way-"

"Captain, if I may interject," Spock interrupted.

"By all means! Enlighten me," he said rather sarcastically.

"Ensign Peleia is, in plainest vernacular, my significant other. I am aware that this is not enough alone to qualify her but if you will examine her file, you will find that her intelligence and prompt reaction times far surpass those of even Ensign Chekov-"

The captain held his hand up to make Spock stop talking. "W-what? Are you being serious Spock? Is this that whole pon farr thing? Has Bones checked you out in the last few minutes? Is this a joke?"

"Captain," Spock said sternly, "as your first officer, I must advise you to calm down. And as you know, Vulcans cannot lie. This is a matter of utmost seriousness and I assure you, my mental and emotional capacities have not been compromised by my recent experience with pon farr. It is, however, necessary for Ensign Peleia and I to stay in close proximity as Vulcan nature dictates one's mental health when separated from their spouse. Reassigning Ensign Peleia would either surmount in severe lapses in our capabilities or I too would transfer with her, even if it meant being demoted," he said rather finally.

Kirk looked at Spock hard and Spock looked right back at him. I wasn't sure I was actually needed in this conversation and I wasn't sure where to look anymore. My gaze switched between the captain and his first officer until Spock spoke again.

"May I ask why it troubles you to have gained another fine crew member who may be a vital aid should certain circumstances arise?"

Kirk thought for a moment, his mouth opening and closing as he decided which words to use. "I just don't want her to interfere with any work being done on the bridge," he said.

"Captain, I am not sure I understand how she might interfere with work on the bridge if she herself is working on the bridge," Spock retorted.

"Well look at her Spock!"

Both heads turned to look at me and I immediately felt uncomfortable but pushed the feeling away.

"Don't pretend like she's not- I mean you've got to have noticed- Spock she's- look at her!"

"If you are referring to her physical beauty then I would be much obliged to explain to the crew our relationship. It is not meant to be secret," he said. "Perhaps you should all learn to better police your emotions in matters such as these and retain such passionate outpourings which you are so fond of captain," he finished.

Kirk's face turned a shade of pink and I found my own cheeks burning from the references to my physical attractiveness.

"Well excuse me _counselor_ Spock, but I don't remember asking your opinion on my personal life," Kirk spat.

"Is fraternizing with every new female member of the crew that comes aboard the bridge considered personal? I number at least four instances in which it has become my own business very quickly," Spock returned.

"It wouldn't become your business if you weren't such a protective mother over me like you always are!"

"Perhaps my 'mothering' would not have to be as such if you would follow regulation every once in a while," Spock seemed to have grown in height and was towering over Kirk, both with new color in their cheeks.

"You call promoting a fourth degree to ensign for your own personal needs following regulation?"

Spock was struck more by this and backed off a bit from Kirk. He seemed offended and I saw him gritting his teeth. He was having much more trouble with his emotions than he had let on to Kirk. His fists clenched and unclenched several times before he spoke again, but I could still see fresh anger in his eyes. "Perhaps it is wisest if Ensign Peleia and I are transferred. I know of at least three available positions on the USS Excelsior," he said.

"Wait, gentlemen," I said, a tingle of fear striking me at the name, "if I may say so, this is a federation vessel and not the place or time to be arguing over such a small matter as me. If you so wish, Captain, I will stay off the bridge unless you request my presence-"

"No, Peleia. If he has a problem with you being on the bridge, it is not something you need to worry about."

"Lieutenant, I-"

"What is wrong with you? I'm calling Doctor McCoy," Kirk said and leaned over to the elevator comm.

As suddenly as he had leaned over, Spock grabbed his hand and hit it away from the comm., pushing Kirk suddenly against the wall of the elevator with his forearm beneath Kirk's neck. He grunted and choked.

"Agh-!"

"I don't need any help," Spock hissed and pushed harder. Kirk slapped and beat at his arm but Spock didn't let up.

"Spock!" I shouted and grabbed his shoulder, pulling to get him off of the captain.

He whipped his head to glare at me. I glared right back rather than being intimidated as I knew he thought I would be. It caught him a bit by surprise and he seemed to come out of his random attack phase for a moment. "Let go of the captain," I said and he looked at me confusedly and still angrily for a moment. He looked at the captain who was turning progressively redder in the face as he choked.

Spock released him immediately, looking shocked as to what he had done.

"Jim," he said, "I didn't mean to- I…"

I separated the two before Kirk could decide that he needed to get in a hit of his own. I went to Kirk first and helped him stand up straight again. He was coughing and hacking. "Are you okay?" I asked quickly.

Kirk looked up at me still baffled and surprised at what had just happened. He still had the sense to nod, however and I turned around to see Spock cowered against the wall. He had the side of his face pressed against the metal and was using the wall as a support as he slid down it.

"Spock," I breathed and grabbed his arms, helping him to the floor as he panted. Beads of sweat had gathered on his forehead and upper lip and I put my hand to his cheek. He was burning up; his internal temperature had to be well above normal. "Get Doctor McCoy," I said to the captain, still looking at Spock and failing to remember my formal manners. "Spock," I said, "open your eyes if you can still hear me." He opened his eyes languidly to look at me. His pupils were the size of pinheads and I knew immediately.

Spock's pon farr had not been cured; far from.

"Captain to Doctor McCoy," Kirk panted into the comm.

"Dangit Jim, we've been here for ten minutes; what did you do?"

"Bones, it's Spock… there's something… wrong with him," he said.

"Thanks a bunch, that's so _helpful_; want to tell me anything _else_?"

I stood up for a moment and went to the comm. while Kirk looked shakily at Spock's limp form. "Doctor McCoy, this is Ensign Peleia."

"You've got to be kidding me; we don't need more than one green blooded-"

"Doctor, your cure for Spock's pon farr seems to have only been temporary," I interrupted him. "I believe he is suffering from plak tow and needs medical assistance immediately," I glanced at Kirk who seemed to actually be going into shock. "Please bring a nurse for the captain as well. We'll be on deck two. Peleia out," I finished.

I put the elevator back into motion before turning back to Spock as Kirk stood confused and still panting. I crouched down beside Spock as the doors opened to deck two and pulled his half conscious form up to stand. I took the majority of his weight and dragged him into the hallway beside the elevator. I let him down carefully so he was curled up against the wall.

"Captain," I said and took his arm gently to lead him out of the elevator and into the hallway. I sat him down against the opposite wall and instructed him not to move.

Spock groaned loudly and I turned to see him trying to stand. "Spock," I said and took his arms, forcing him back down, "stay where you are and try not to move. Doctor McCoy is on his way to help you," I said. Spock squinted at me as if he wasn't aware of what was happening anymore or who anybody was.

"Peleia?" he asked and I nodded.

"Yes, I'm here. What do you need?" I asked, not sure how this problem was going to be solved.

"Peleia," he breathed a sigh of relief. He seemed to become aware of what was happening again and I feared that soon he would be entirely lost to the sickness. "Peleia," he addressed me more resolutely, "Lock me in my quarters," he said.

"What?"

"You can't- agh!" I reached for his hands as he groaned again. "You can't trust me anymore," he said. "I can feel-" he groaned, "-myself fading. If you do not restrain me promptly I am going to become a hazard to everyone on this ship," he gasped.

I couldn't restrain him; the only ways to actually cure pon farr were by mating or extreme violence and if he wasn't allowed to do either of those he would…

"I'm not about to let you die," I spat.

"And what are you going to do about it?" he asked, looking me in the eyes.

I looked at him fearfully for a moment, not knowing how to answer him. There was no way to adequately help him unless we were to get the aid of the elders of Vulcan but they were all located on New Vulcan and it would take, at maximum warp from here, approximately fourteen hours which was far too long. The sickness could consume him in less than thirty minutes.

"I do not know," I said, "but I intend to fix it."

The elevator doors swished open.

"Good _goodness_, woman," Doctor McCoy said, "I knew it would be bad luck to have _two_ of you. Nurse Chapel, help the captain," he said and joined me beside Spock.

"Doctor McCoy, I must insist that you restrain me immediately as I do not think-" he let out a short cry, leaning over and bracing himself above the ground with his head hanging as if he was about to vomit, "-I can hold this form much longer," he said quieter and McCoy got out a small bag of medical emergency equipment. "Your medicine is of no use to me Doctor; I need to be properly restrained before- agh! -before I lose control again," he said. "It is the best you can do for me."

McCoy looked at him with a puzzled look on his face, "Alright, alright, but at least let me try something for the pain."

"Doctor, this is a time sensitive matter; I do not have time for your human stupidity," Spock growled.

"Spock, look at me," I insisted and he looked back at me. His expression softened. "Doctor McCoy is trying to help you in the way he knows how," I said, attempting to keep my facial expression as pleasant and normal as possible. Perhaps Spock just needed some positive encouragement to stay on this side longer. "And perhaps he is not all wrong," I said, speaking as I thought, "perhaps his human medicine can help you since you are half human after all. It will appeal to your weaker senses and repair or stop the damage of your human functions," I said. "Will you allow him to proceed?"

Spock had to think a moment before consenting. "I will as soon as I am confined," he replied.

"Security!" McCoy called and two red shirts came running.

"Sir?" one of them asked, confused already at the scene. McCoy was suddenly busy taking Spock's temperature.

"Gentleman, please locate Lieutenant Spock a containment cell," I said.

"Sorry, ma'am, but for what purpose?" one of them asked upon seeing my cadet garb.

"To lock him in it," McCoy said impatiently and the guards looked confused but weren't about to question their orders again. "Go with him; I'll stay with the captain and be with you as soon as I know he's okay," the Doctor ordered.

"Yes, sir."

I took Spock's arms and helped him up, afraid to let go of him as I was trying to keep my emotions as calm as possible in hopes that it might keep him at bay for a bit. I held his hand as the guards came and grabbed his arms. I positioned myself awkwardly in front of him so he could still see me and walked backwards.

"Ma'am, please step away; we can take him from here," one of them said.

"That would be unwise," Spock said. "Right now she is the only thing keeping me from killing you both," he hissed, his eyes darkening more.

I put my hand on his cheek for a better connection and his expression softened again. He looked at me through clearer eyes with the realization that this was only getting worse and it was becoming harder for him to control himself and find the line that separated him from his rage.

_Not enough time_, he thought and I knew suddenly that we weren't going to make it to the cell without a fight. _Run_, he thought.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered aloud and his eyes darkened again. This time I knew he wasn't coming back.

I stepped away a bit and the guards stopped in their tracks, sensing the danger.

"Get out of here," I ordered them.

"Ma'am, our orders," one said although I could tell they both wanted very much to leave.

"I will take personal responsibility for your disobedience; now get out of here and seal off this deck-"

Something collided with my chest, knocking the air out of me and suddenly Spock's arms were wrapped around my neck as he stood behind me, pulling me away from the guards who had taken their phasers out.

"Don't shoot," I choked. "He will kill you if you do," I said.

"What's to say that's what's stopping me from killing them?" he hissed in my ear.

"Spock, listen to me," I said but his hold on my neck tightened and I gagged.

"Sir, let go of the woman," a guard said and they had both tensed into firing ready stances.

"Sure," he hissed and slammed me against the wall before I could get another word out. He launched himself at the larger of the two guards and punched his throat. The other shot his phaser at him but Spock was not deterred. He delivered a gut blow to the guard he was working on who doubled over not being able to breathe. The other continued to fire but it did nothing.

I acted as quickly as I could. I slapped the phaser out of the firing man's hand and grabbed Spock's arm before he could punch the bigger guard again. He looked at me with eyes full of fury but he hesitated upon seeing my face just long enough for me to grab his shoulder and pinch as hard as I could. He groaned and lowered to his knees but I knew there was a possibility that he could get out of it given his heightened sense of power. I took his other shoulder and pinched them both and he fell to the floor with a thud.

I checked first on the large but frail human but he seemed to be fine, just a bit shaken up.

"What happened?" Doctor McCoy asked as he came running down the hall.

"We lost control of the situation," I said while the two guards stood confused and shocked at what their higher up had just done, "but it was taken care of," I said. "He will not be out for long. I could hardly sway him with one hand; I was forced to use two," I finished and was glad that the doctor knew what I was talking about.

"Well come here," he said and he helped me lift Spock, draping each of his arms over each of our shoulders. We carried him, with his feet dragging the whole way, to the containment cells on this deck. We went to the most secluded and dumped Spock haphazardly on the bed as I could feel him gaining consciousness. Doctor McCoy pulled me out just in time to seal the entrance before Spock was up again. He hit and punched at the glass but he knew it was hopeless.

I stood on the other side looking at him with all the worry and broken-heartedness I was attempting not to feel and he looked back with more rage I'm sure than any human could ever conjure.

"Well, now what?" the doctor prodded.

I didn't know. I honestly had no idea what we could do other than journey for New Vulcan as soon as possible and hope we made it before...

"I don't know," I admitted.

Somebody entered the brig. "Ensign Peleia?"

I turned around to see a crewman with a headset on standing in the doorway.

"Yes, ma'am?" I said and hesitantly stepped away from Spock's cell.

"Lieutenant Harrison of the USS Excelsior wishes to speak with you privately," she said. "Acting Captain Chekov ordered me to escort you to your quarters immediately."

_John can help_, I thought, forgetting entirely that he would probably be contacting me about my orders and about the new developments in my life.

"You're going to leave me with him?" the doctor asked incredulously.

"There is nothing more I can do for him here," I said, my mind reeling with the hope that Harrison brought.

"But…" the doctor sighed. I looked at him and he nodded slowly. We had become a sort of unspoken team in the last few minutes and he seemed to agree with me more easily than he normally would have.

"I'll stay here and let you know if anything happens," he said.

"Thank you Doctor," I said.

"Please," he scoffed, "if you call me _anything_ let it be McCoy. _Leonard_ if you like, but _nobody_ calls me doctor, not that I _am_ one or anything," he said, muttering the last part, "heck you could call me _bartender_ and it would be a more _accurate_ term," he mumbled even quieter.

"Thank you, McCoy," I rephrased and shook his hand.

"You're welcome," he said and I followed the crewman into the hallway.

"I was informed that you are sharing quarters with Mr. Spock but he also arranged for a separate compartment may you sometime need it. To which would you like me to take you?"

"I..." there were far too many things going on in my mind to even comprehend what I had been told, "whichever one is closer," I said.

The crew member led me silently to my personal quarters on deck four. She gave me a quick rundown of the room and told me where my change of uniform was as well as a great many other things but I was so mentally, emotionally, and even physically distraught that I didn't hear half of what she had said.

"Your comm. is on the wall there; Lieutenant Harrison is on channel seven," she finished.

"Thank you," I said and she left silently. The door sealed behind her and I went to the comm., dialing it to channel seven and initiating the call.

"Lieutenant Harrison, this is Ensign Peleia," I said.

"Peleia, what are you doing? What on earth has happened?" he asked incredulously. I couldn't help it at his words. I began to cry, unable to hold back the gasping sobs that were now my breaths.

"I-I don't know," I stuttered. "John, I need help," I pleaded.

"Peleia, tell me what's happened," he said softer.

"Spock, he... he's going to die if I do not help him but... I do not know how," I said.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Plak tow," I said but my words sounded like a question. "He's lost control; he attacked the captain and a couple of guards. We have him in a containment unit right now."

"Are you still docked?"

"Yes," I said.

"I'm beaming over with a hypospray. Meet me in the transporter room. Harrison out."

The comm. clicked off but there was a beeping from somewhere else in my room. I spun around to find it and saw a portable communicator lying on top of my uniform change.

"Peleia this is McCoy, acknowledge," it said. I grabbed it and flipped it open.

"Acknowledged. What's happening?"

"It's gotten worse; he's not moving anymore and he's managed to bang himself up enough that he's bleeding a puddle on the ground. Is it safe for me to go in?"

I paused a moment having to shut myself down again in order to speak properly. "I will be up in three minutes; do not go in without me. Peleia out," I said and flipped it closed.

I didn't bother with my uniform but grabbed my new ID before running out of the room. I sprinted down the hallway to the elevator. The door opened to reveal the captain.

"Whoa there, where's Spock?" he asked, taking my arm and realizing I was extremely emotionally distraught.

"He's on deck two in a confinement cell with McCoy... I mean McCoy is waiting with him outside of the cell- I mean, McCoy is outside the cell and Spock is-"

"Hey, I get it. Are you okay? Are you going to see him?"

"I'm going to the transporter room," I said and the captain grabbed my shoulders.

"Ensign, you need to take a few breaths," he said. "Why would you go to the transporter room?"

I did indeed take a deep breath before speaking again, partially because I was in need of some mental calm and partially because I needed a cover while I thought. It was probably best not to inform the captain, or anybody, of my relationship with John Harrison until it became relevant.

"To... be transported," I said slowly. "But seeing as," I gained back my senses, "I am not in need of that service at this time, I suppose it is foolish to go there."

"Exactly," the captain said. "Now take me to Spock," he ordered.

"Aye, sir," I said and got in the elevator with him.

We stood in awkward silence and I tried hastily to wipe away my tears.

"Here," the captain said and handed me a handkerchief with the Starfleet symbol embroidered in it. "I never use it anyway; you can keep it," he said but he seemed too cheery for me to be overly appreciative. Did he not realize what was happening? Spock was dying for Pete's sake! The doors slid open. "Consider it a welcome gift," he said as we stepped off.

I followed him down the hall for a bit before I stopped. I still needed to get that hypospray from Harrison and I was positive I knew what was in it and I was fairly positive it would save Spock's life. Either that or the opposite, but it was his only chance.

"Are you coming, Ensign?"

"I... I know what can help Spock," I said and Kirk looked expectantly at me. "I'll be right back. Go ahead without me but do not go in there until I get back," I ordered and sprinted back to the lift. This wasn't lying per say, I was simply excluding certain facts from my explanations. I flew through the still open elevator doors.

"Engineering deck," I ordered and the elevator whizzed down to the lower decks. The lift stopped and the doors opened to reveal a hallway. I ran down it to the end and skidded to a stop in the doorway of the transporter room. Harrison was just being beamed in and I waited for the all clear from the current operator to run up to him. He handed me the hypospray full of what I could see was his blood without a word.

"Thank you," I said, "thank you, thank you."

"It's the least I could do," he said. "Go; he doesn't have much time."

"Thank you," I said again and turned on the spot. I ran from the room.

"Energize," I heard from and knew Harrison was already gone.

I flew to the elevator faster than I had before and held the door close button so as to skip any calling decks and go straight to deck two. I jumped out and sprinted with all my strength down the hallway until I reached the very end where the cells were. The captain and McCoy were standing outside as Kirk seemed to come to grips with the situation.

"Open it," I panted and McCoy didn't question me, opening it immediately while Kirk stood flabbergasted.

Spock was lying on the floor unmoving and I couldn't tell if he was breathing. I could feel his consciousness slipping though; if he was breathing now, he wouldn't be for long. I uncapped the hypospray with my mouth and spit the cap out. A solution occurred to me as I knelt down.

"Leonard, I need an adrenaline shot," I said. It was a bit old-fashioned but if Spock's heart wasn't beating fast enough, it would take too long for Harrison's blood to heal him. It had taken four days to entirely heal me, after all. I wasn't even sure if this would work on Spock. We may have both been half Vulcan, but our other halves were not the same.

The doctor ducked in and handed me a second hypospray. I thanked him and took another second to think.

"Perhaps..." I said, "perhaps you should leave us alone here... in case it doesn't work." I looked up at the doctor and he nodded after a moment.

"Whatever you need," he said and went out again, sealing and locking the door.

I didn't hesitate another moment. I took the first shot full of Harrison's blood and injected it in Spock's neck. His body twitched reflexively and I shot him with the adrenaline right above his heart. This second maneuver was a risky one but it would get his heart pumping the quickest.

I knelt beside him listening silently as his heart rate began to increase. I held his wrist to feel the pulse. It was rapidly speeding up to a point that I wasn't sure was healthy, but it was impossible to tell if he was responding to the transfusion.

I took a moment to study his brain activity by placing my hand on his face and performing a Vulcan mind meld. His brain function seemed to be switching from violent and despotic to what it normally was: intelligent and quick. I could feel him regaining consciousness.

I high-tailed it out of his mind and knelt beside him still, taking one of his hands in my own. The only trick now was to get him to regain and keep consciousness.

"Come on," I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes again. I clenched at his chest, wadding up the fabric there and holding tight to it.

He didn't move. In fact he didn't move for the next five minutes.

"Come on," I had said, louder each time, but he showed no signs of life. His breathing and heart rate had begun to slow again with not even a glimmer of hope that he was going to come to.

I'm not sure how long we sat there in silence but it must have been a considerable amount of time because when I finally looked up, there were about ten people there that hadn't been before. McCoy and Kirk were closest to the glass, both with hands on it as if they could somehow touch Spock from the outside. I felt suddenly incredibly selfish being on the inside with him. Human's were much more naïve with their emotions than I was (of course not presently) and I felt that it would mean more to them.

"Peleia," McCoy said and I focused my gaze on him. He had trouble saying the next words. "I don't think... I don't think he's coming back," he said and he too had tears in his eyes.

I decided to ignore him and went back to looking at Spock. I grit my teeth and gripped his hand harder. "Please," I pleaded, even though I was relatively positive he couldn't hear me. "I can't do this without you," I whispered through gasps.

I closed my eyes and leaned back on my knees after a moment. There was one more thing I could do that may very well have killed me in the process, but it came down purely to the fact that Spock was a more essential member to the crew than I was. People would miss him. Nobody would miss me.

I put my hand back on his face and closed my eyes again, hanging my head down. I looked through his mind until I found his will to live deposit. It had run almost dry as I had expected. Before I could think to hard, I started transferring to him my own will; a necessity of life almost more important than any form of nourishment. I wasn't sure what I was doing but I focused every ounce of my being on making Spock live again and hoped for the best.

I began to feel drained almost immediately, willing Spock to live. Countless degrading thoughts went through my mind until I realized I was actually physically whimpering.

"Peleia, what are you doing?" a sort of muffled voice asked from far away. "Peleia, you're going to kill yourself!"

It didn't matter anymore. I didn't want to live; not if Spock was gone. What was I without him? Some sort of half-blood widow who singlehandedly allowed the death of her spouse? If I could at least bring him back, none of that would matter.

"Peleia!" somebody pounded on the window. "I'm going in." McCoy's voice.

It was far too late for that though. I was almost out. I had only a little to spare when McCoy pulled me off of Spock and severed the connection. I opened my eyes to see Spock still lying there unmoving. The doctor had pulled me a bit away but had collapsed on the floor with me upon realizing it hadn't worked. None of our efforts had meant anything. He was gone.

McCoy had me cradled in his arms and was crying slow and silent tears into my hair as we both watched Spock's unmoving form. I closed my eyes again. This time largely because I didn't care anymore. I had put almost all of my will into that one man and nothing had come of it. If he had lived I would have been in great shape but... it didn't matter anymore.

I slumped down farther into McCoy's grasp and he looked down at me. He shook me, as if trying to wake me from slumber. "Peleia," he said, "Peleia don't you dare do this; we need you," he said, "now more than ever. There are countless lives on this ship that need your help or at least are going to," he tried to encourage me, having at least a small sense of what was happening to me, but I couldn't take this anymore. My one firm ally throughout my entire life was gone. He was gone.

And it was my fault.

I thought briefly of the audience we had but wanted to slap myself for doing so. So what if I was shaming my race by crying; one of my races's most accomplished and highly esteemed members had just been ripped from life without a second thought and nothing I had done had fixed it.

The doctor gasped and I knew he thought we were both dead. A great ruckus came about but my thoughts were practically void. I myself was fading. I dreaded to think that it was still possible for me to live after this though. I didn't want to.

"Did it work?"

"Is she okay?"

"What's he doing?"

"What did she do?"

"Spock!" (this voice was the only one I recognized: the captain).

"Peleia?" somebody whispered and I knew there would be more. I would listen to them all say my name over and over as I laid lifeless until I actually did die from either lack of will or lack of nourishment or both.

"Peleia?" the voice was soft. There was an excited buzz around me. "Peleia, I know you can hear me," it said. "I know you are still conscious and if you are smart, you will open your eyes."

I wanted to answer the voice but I found myself physically unable. I was physically exhausted and unable to move, even to make a simple noise of acknowledgment. I could feel the person who belonged to the voice closing in but sounds were distorted. I couldn't pick out one voice from another and they all sounded as if they were swirling in a circle above me.

"Peleia, open your eyes dangit," this was most definitely McCoy speaking now. I started slowly to build up the energy to squint my eyes open. It took me all of the energy I had left to open them only halfway and then comprehend the image placed before me.


	8. Chapter 8

i have no idea how to preface this

uh

sorry it's been so long? and for my bad writing?

uh

uh

thank

*bows*

I wasn't sure if we had all ended up dying or if perhaps… perhaps by some twist of fate it had all worked? Either way, it didn't really matter to me if this was real or not; I had done what I needed; I had accomplished my duty.

"Spock," I choked and he grabbed me from McCoy, holding my mostly limp form to his chest. I couldn't open my eyes anymore; I felt so weak. But he was here; he was alive!

"You're okay," I said, my words coming out in a rush of breath rather than as a definitive statement. The words acted as a sigh of relief that seemed shared by most of the onlookers.

"Yes, I am fine," he said. "You did it. Now rest," he whispered low enough that I knew we were the only ones to hear the words. "I love you," he added.

"Never do that to me again," I slurred but I could get no more words out. I ceased my struggle for consciousness, now positive of my eventual return to a more aware state. My consciousness slipped away almost instantly, relieved slumber filling the void instantly.

I opened my eyes approximately ten hours later, feeling the effects of my mind meld significantly reduced. I knew I would be somewhat weak for the next few days and mentally I would be a bit spotty, but I would make a full recovery within the week.

The room I was in was dark. I couldn't tell if I was in med bay or someplace more private. My eyes took longer to adjust than normal. I tried to sit up but found it painful and quickly decided against any movement.

I looked with blurry eyes at the clock to see that it was only around ten in the evening and I was sure I was not the only one awake. I was not, however, sure that I was still aboard the Enterprise. My senses were slow to pick up any sort of vibration so I had no idea. I felt like a feeble old woman fumbling around in the dark with earplugs in and a bad sense of direction.

I felt to the edge of the bed on my right side but realized it extended on the other side. I rolled over and reached my hand over blindly and felt another body. This alarmed me, but in my stupor and ignorance, it did not alarm me nearly as much as it should have.

The person jerked a bit in their sleep. "Peleia?" the first word off his lips and I knew who he was.

I sighed in relief and Spock wrapped me up in his arms, pulling me into him. I allowed him to not only because I loved him, but because I really had no other choice. I could not move as quickly or as powerfully as I usually did at that time.

"Where are we?" I rasped.

"The Enterprise; my quarters," he said, answering my exact question from earlier. The mental connection we shared had multiplied tenfold although I was not completely positive how that worked.

I wondered why we were here; why he was allowed to be in his own quarters despite what he had done earlier that day. It didn't really matter to military regulation whether or not he had been experiencing pon farr, he had attacked the captain.

"You know the captain though," he said. "He rarely follows regulation, although I am sure Admiral Pike will have some words for us when we return." Spock readjusted himself so that he was looking down at me as I rested my head on his arm. "What you did was…" he had to pause for a moment, "what you did was nobler than anything I have seen on this ship before. Perhaps I am biased since it was my own life in the balance, but you saved more lives than you know," he said. He looked down at me but I couldn't distinguish each of his features from each other through my still blurry eyesight. "Lights; dim," he said and the lights came on dim so as not to blind me but to give me enough light to see his face. "I am astonished that you would still hope to wed me after what you have now seen of me," he said.

I blinked slowly and smiled drowsily. "Perhaps you are more mentally unstable than I assumed to think that this simple setback would deter me at all," I croaked.

"It's possible…" he joked. "I just… Peleia, you very well could have died; you did almost die," Spock said. My response was sort of just whatever came out of my mouth; I was becoming increasingly distracted by his closeness. I took his free hand into mine, finding a bit of strength in the strange buzz I was getting. I traced my fingers up the veins that went up his arm, getting a sort of high off his presence.

"So did you," I returned finally after comprehending the words he had said. "I would not want to live if there was a chance that I could bring you back and I didn't take it. It appears that everything worked out perfectly fine, so I am not worried about it," I said, most totally distracted.

"Someday I wish to be as selfless as you are," he said and I shook my head.

I wasn't selfless; if anything I was selfish. The fact of the matter was that I didn't want to live without Spock. It barely even occurred to me that others may care about him as well. All I had been thinking at the time was that if none of it worked, at least I would be dead.

"Either way," Spock said and I wondered why I didn't just say everything out loud anymore, "there is much more about you that I admire than myself," he said. I was finding it increasingly difficult to hold a conversation. My emotional barriers all seemed to have been weakened as well as my physical and mental strength and I was longing for his touch.

"Can we continue this conversation later?" I asked, my hand wandering up his arm and to his cheek.

"Absolutely," he whispered and immediately leaned down into me, kissing me desperately.

A whole flurry of new emotions and sensations throbbed through me. I had never experienced a desire so strong, nor had I ever had one fulfilled. Spock pressed down on me and I slid my hands over his bare chest and onto his back. One of his hands found its way to the exposed skin at my waist. His lips broke off from my mouth and he slid down to kiss my neck. He lingered there for several moments and I tangled my fingers in his hair.

I heard what seemed like a distant door opening.

"I think I'm gonna hit the hay if you wanna take over at the bridge, Spock-"

Spock and I whipped our heads in the intruder's direction as soon as we realized that there was an intruder.

"Jim-" Spock started and sat up on his knees.

The captain cried out some incomprehensible syllables in confusion and shock. "Spock-?!"

"Jim, get out-"

"Spock-!"

"Jim, leave-"

"Spock-?"

"Just get out-!"

"Spock-?!"

"Go away!"

The captain stumbled out of the room backwards and the door closed again.

We looked at each other after a moment and I couldn't help myself but sit back onto the pillow laughing. What a mess we were; just one big flying mess that probably should not have been at the command of a starship, especially after all that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. I wondered if this happened frequently or if it was just because of the circumstances.

"No, it's constant," Spock said, interrupting my thoughts. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. "I am sorry," he said.

"Don't be," I said. I sat up and caught his bottom lip between mine, kissing him gently and slower this time. I could feel the embarrassment he felt dissolve instantly and it was replaced with a quiet desire to stay here, despite the captain's request. I took the last second of the kiss to enjoy it before breaking off and addressing his issue.

"I'll come with you," I said.

"You're on bed rest until tomorrow morning at the earliest," he said. "Doctor's orders."

"Then I suppose it wasn't a very wise decision to put us in the same bed," I teased.

"That was my fault," he said and I saw a quick glimpse of a memory; Spock convincing McCoy that it would be better if I was near him.

"Good," I said and kissed him just below his jaw line. I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled his neck for a moment before nudging him off the bed so he could get dressed in his uniform, which he was now considering procrastinating for an indefinite amount of time. He stood up and rolled his shoulders, giving me a moment to appreciate the view and then feel bad about myself for doing so.

He glanced over at me with a playful smirk on his face and then went to the closet. He pulled out a pair of pants and pulled them on over his black boxer shorts, looking slyly at me over his shoulder as he zipped them up. He filled out those pants so well... Now don't get me wrong, I loved him no matter what he looked like but there was just something about a good man putting on a good pair of slacks that got to me.

_Wow, you need to stop_, I told myself. It was highly unprofessional (not to mention slightly vulgar) the way I was thinking about him.

But it didn't stop me from watching.

He took out a black t-shirt and put it on, stretching it over his perfectly fit physique. It was almost worse (meaning better in this context) than without a shirt at all.

"I appreciate your commentary," Spock said and flashed me another look.

I blushed a shade of green and moved back to sit with my back against the wall. I curled my knees up to my chin, stretching my muscles in a manner that felt most pleasing.

Spock pulled on his blue shirt indicating that he was a science officer and grabbed some things off of the bedside table, putting them in his pockets.

"You might want to fix your hair," I said, noticing its considerably mussed appearance.

"As might you," he returned smiling and went to check his hair in the bathroom.

I didn't even bother with my own hair, knowing that I would be meditating alone for the next eight hours until it became necessary for me to be sufficiently examined by Doctor McCoy and set back on duty.

Spock came back out of the bathroom to stand at my side. "Call me if you have any problems," he said and he took my chin to kiss me softly. "I love you," he said.

"I love you, too," I returned and he straightened up before turning about-face and walking out of the room. It gave my heart a pang of longing just as soon as he turned his back.

_Just wait one more moment..._ I thought and he slowed to a stop, glancing back at me. I took the opportunity and hopped off the bed as quickly as my fragile legs could stand, stepping behind him and encircling him about the waist with my arms. He put his hands over mine, lacing our fingers together and turned around to face me. He looked down for one moment before letting my hands go and putting his hands on my waist to pull me into him. I kept my arms around him and rested my head on his chest. His hands slid across my back and he pulled me in tight. I took a moment to breathe him in. He put his hand to my cheek for a moment before slipping his index and middle fingers onto my lips. I smiled as Spock leaned down and kissed me one more time, but softer; more like angel food cake whereas the last might be attributed to peach cobbler or something of the like.

Spock stood up and laughed.

"What-? Oh," I said.

"I think you are much too tired to be having physical relations yet," he said and I giggled.

_Giggling? What are you doing with your life?_ I got after myself. I had never giggled in all of my existence; I didn't want to start now.

This only made Spock laugh harder before he landed a kiss on my forehead. "Please never change," he instructed.

The door slid open again and this time I could tell that Kirk was looking to spy. I suppose he had probably never seen Spock in a relationship of this magnitude before and he was grossly intrigued.

"Oh, sorry," he said and Spock rolled his eyes, letting go of me and turning around.

"Not at all Captain; I was just on my way out," Spock greeted him, straightening his shirt and smoothing his hair in the back. Kirk nodded and peeked around Spock to give me a little wave. He had a sort of perverted grin on his face and I knew Spock would be nothing but pestered by him for probably a long while.

"Hey, Peleia," he said.

"Good evening Captain," I replied and he gave me an uncomfortable once over. He had a habit of doing that to the ladies aboard and I hoped it would be annulled soon. "I wish you both a comfortable night," I said.

They each nodded.

"And you Ensign," Spock said. He was on duty now; I knew the reason for the formality. The door closed and I listened for a moment.

"How'd you sleep?" the captain prodded.

"Remarkably well," he replied.

"Hey, what ever happened to Vulcans can't lie?"

"I believe a more accurate phrase would be that _most_ Vulcans cannot lie," Spock returned.

"So… you did lie?"

I could see where this conversation was going already and chuckled quietly as I went to climb back into bed. I glimpsed myself in the mirror and realized immediately what had the small stir with the captain going. My current visible attire consisted only of a form fitting black camisole and considerably short, black shorts.

I sighed and hopped onto the bed. _People around here…_

I chose not to complete the thought as I wanted to keep my pleasant mood.

"Lights," I said and they turned off. I sat in the middle of the bed and closed my eyes to meditate, but found that my mind was too busy to pay attention to itself for the moment. There was a light, floating feeling drifting through me that I knew was as a result of Spock.

I flopped over sideways, feeling the effects of adrenaline wearing off and I knew it was hopeless to meditate. The bed smelled like him (probably because it was his) and I hugged Spock's pillow close to my face. I fell asleep before I could think another thought.


	9. Chapter 9

sorry if updates get a little farther apart; we're nearing the part where i'm actually working on so yeah

lo siento

desculpe

entschuldigung

anywho

thank

*bows*

For a Vulcan that often required little sleep, I slept soundly and heavily that night (along with all the sleeping I had done the day before). When I opened my eyes, a simulated light glowed around me. The Enterprise was designed to mimic the night and day cycles on Earth with the light pattern which made it helpful when trying to decide what time to assume it was.

I assumed it was nearing seven o'clock; a bit later than I had intended to sleep but I felt much better having let myself than I probably would have otherwise. My muscles all seemed stiff and after a few minutes of lying in bed quietly, I stood up and stretched. I was feeling slightly eager to start the day as it meant, not only would I begin my work, but I got to be with Spock. It was a silly thought, but I liked it nonetheless.

I went into the bathroom first thing and got a look at what a bad way I really was in. My hair was one big rat's nest in the back and I looked as though I had been in some brawl the day prior. There were dark circles around each of my eyes that I concentrated on relieving. It was much easier than fixing actual injuries was and my countenance was much brighter after just a moment.

I bustled around the bathroom until I found a comb and ran it through my hair, untangling the rat's nest and smoothing it out. I decided perhaps it was time I took a shower since I hadn't exactly had the time or sense to take one in the last two days. I jumped in and made it quick. I stepped out and dried off, sticking my hair up in a towel to put my clothes on. I went to the closet and found my uniform, a red one at that, and slipped it on. I pulled on the sheer black tights and black boots before going back to the bathroom. I took my hair down after squeezing it with the towel in an attempt to dry it more. Upon realizing that there was not a hair tie in sight, I pulled my hair into a high pony and wrapped it with a strand to keep it up temporarily. I would have to find some way to procure some hair products before the day was done.

I took a breath and pushed back my emotions. While this was a place where I could openly express my emotions, it would be most wise to keep them at bay when in public. I had a history of public enragement that I meant to wipe away. This would be the most effective way to do so.

I grabbed the things that went along with the uniform: communicator, ID; tablet. I assumed that would be all I needed for the time being and left the room without another look.

I got into the hallway slightly mixed up as to where I was. The officers had a separate deck to themselves for quarters (deck five to be exact) but I wasn't sure where on this deck I was located. I took a wild guess and started off right. I figured no matter where I went, I would find a lift somewhere, and I did; right at the end of the hallway and next to it a computer kiosk.

"Computer, locate crew member Leonard McCoy," I said and it showed me his location as on the bridge. I got in the elevator and ordered it to take me to the bridge. I was feeling oddly optimistic and empowered. I wondered if it was as a result of my new uniform. I had a feeling that was part of it.

The elevator slowed to a stop and the doors opened. I stepped onto the bridge and had to hide a smile. Here I was, just a simple cadet yesterday and an ensign today, already in uniform and stepping onto the bridge of the USS Enterprise.

"There she is," McCoy said and I looked to him. I couldn't help but notice how many people looked at me.

"Surely not this lass?" the Scottish man I had met the day prior said. I remembered his name being Scotty and how fitting it was.

"As a matter of fact, it was 'this lass'," Spock said, moving out from behind the group with his hands behind his back to look at me.

"Well bravo milady," Scotty said, "but does she know anything about engineering?"

"I would wager she knows a fair amount," Spock answered and I could see him hiding a smile as he stepped up to where I was standing.

_Perhaps the captain was right about you working on the bridge_, Spock thought and I suppressed any emotions from appearing on my face although I was strangely delighted by his disguised compliment.

The door behind us slid open and I stepped out of the way.

"Captain," Spock greeted him and he looked back and forth between the two of us before smiling and chuckling a little.

"Good morning," he said to us and plopped down in his seat. "Ensign, report," he said.

I looked at him confused as to why he would be asking me for a report yet...

"Chekov," he clarified after a moment, "Ensign Chekov."

I turned back to Spock who was still looking at me. I couldn't help but be trapped by his gaze, not able to move or look anywhere but at him. I was aware of several people still watching to see what might happen, but Spock didn't seem worried. I, however, was a bit concerned as my credibility on this vessel was yet to be raised very much and I knew Spock would respect me no matter what I did.

"Doctor McCoy," I said quietly and he came over to us but I wasn't able to tear my eyes from Spock until I spoke my next words, "I assume you would like to perform an examination before I return to, or rather start, my work," I said.

"Well of course I do," he said and the Scottish man along with the captain shared a chuckle, their thoughts being much darker than the doctor's. "Actually," he said, attempting to be quieter, "I was wondering if we could get you transferred to med bay. I need another nurse and I think you just about fit the bill; I looked through your file this morning," he said.

"Well, I..." I looked at Spock who I realized was actively scowling, but not at the doctor; he was angry with those who had yet to look away from me as well as the captain and Scotty.

"I quite concur doctor; Peleia is well qualified in medicine and more familiar than most with many beings' anatomies on this ship. I suggest she be reassigned immediately," he said.

"Spock, what?"

He pulled me to the side for a moment. "I am finding it hard to control my negative emotions towards others while you are present. For the safety of the ship, you should stay in med bay where I can't so easily hear their thoughts," he said.

"I- okay," I replied, slightly surprised by the sudden defense.

He swept immediately to the captain and addressed him less than nicely.

"Captain, requesting permission for Ensign Peleia to be moved to work in med bay. Doctor McCoy is in need of another qualified nurse," he said.

"But she just got here," he teased, swiveling around in his chair to face me. "Don't you have enough nurses down there Bones?"

"Jim," McCoy said, "why does it matter so much? I need a nurse."

"And I need an ensign."

"But keptin-" Chekov tried to interject but Spock cut him off.

"Ensign Chekov does a perfectly fine job here-"

"Are you questioning my orders lieutenant?" Kirk asked. "She stays here."

Spock's jaw tightened. "Aye, sir," he said through his teeth.

"Captain," I said, having sensed his as well as several other crew members' thoughts and having given partial clearance to my anger, "if I am to remain on the bridge, I would hope it is not only for your entertainment. I came here to serve, but certainly not as decoration," I said.

The smile was smacked off the captain's face and Scotty's mouth formed an 'o' toward him.

"She's gotcha there, Jim," he said.

"Shut up, Scotty," the captain said. "Go put on a blue uniform," he ordered me, changing attitudes to look as if he had been joking the whole time. "Calm down Spock, she's all yours," he said, looking at his now extremely displeased first officer. "I'm sorry if I offended you," he said to me, being earnest this time, "it's not often that I get to mess with my first officer and still be following regulation," he joked and I attempted not to feel any sort of resent towards him.

"Of course," I said, glancing back at Spock who seemed to be gaining control of his emotions again, "I suppose a small jest is necessary for humans every so often. Thank you, Captain," I said and turned to follow McCoy into the lift. The door closed and we grabbed onto the handholds on the walls.

"It's a good thing you decided to come with me."

"I must agree."

"I kinda had a feeling something bad would happen if you stayed on the bridge," he said.

I looked at him, slightly surprised. "Then you do not have a need for another nurse?"

"Oh no, I've got plenty of people down there, but I do need an assistant and I saw what you did yesterday... I thought it might be good to have you around," he admitted.

"Thank you," I said. "I am honored and privileged to be working with you."

The elevator stopped but McCoy didn't move to get out. He hesitated a moment before saying, "You're not quite like Mr. Spock, are you?"

"In what way do you mean?"

"I mean, you have a little more life to you; you're not so uptight about emotions and stuff."

"Well, I... I'm not quite sure what to say," I said.

"It's a good thing," he clarified. "I think it's helping him not to be such a prick all the time," he said and I had to smile. He was a bit of a prick sometimes.

"I am not sure if you are aware, but my mother is Romulan. I have had trouble keeping my emotions to myself my whole life. It has only been recently that I have been able to better control my, for lack of a better term, savage side. Your comment is much appreciated; I see I am still headed in the right direction," I said.

"Well... you're welcome," he said and started to walk off. I followed him all the way to the med bay where several nurses were milling around. I assumed the rest were in the recreation room. "Christine, grab Ensign Peleia a uniform please," he said and a nurse nearby scurried away. "First thing's first," he said, "I was wondering if I might exploit your telepathic abilities for a moment," he said and led me over to a bed with a dormant patient lying on it. "This man seems to have fallen into a coma but we can't figure out why."

I looked at him for a moment before placing my hand on his face. I would have to observe a certain amount of caution; mind melding humans was dangerous in and of itself, but mind melding comatose individuals was always more dangerous as well. The two put together would either result in a solution or another problem.

It took me all of fifteen seconds to find and realize that he had fallen into a coma as a result of fear, quite literally. This man was a new cadet that had performed well and been assigned as a crew member fourth degree on this ship, despite his deathly fear of space. The boy had been studying to become an engineer but hadn't thought he would be assigned to an actual ship. He assumed he would build ships, not repair them mid flight. Unfortunately for him, his severe anxiety was sparked when he came aboard and his body automatically shut down, putting him in this comatose state. All that was required was the pulling of a few psychological strings and a reassurance of his safety. I came out of the meld as he opened his eyes.

"Great Scott," McCoy said. "How did you do that?"

"All he needed was a little encouragement," I said. "He had a severe anxiety attack upon being stationed on this ship and his mind did the only thing it knew how to, just as, for instance, if I, a Vulcan, was about to die I would automatically transfer my conscious mind to the body of another for safekeeping. The concept is relatively similar," I said.

"Well yes, but you brought him out of it," the doctor said, still astounded.

"I simply changed his attitude about the matter and he responded accordingly," I said.

"Excuse me, miss?"

The nurse from before was back with my uniform and I took it, thanking her. She went quickly back to her work.

"You can change over there," McCoy said and pointed to a curtained off area which I proceeded to. I changed quickly, feeling slightly uncomfortable as to the fact that I was still very much in public. I suppose it was normal for all these other people but I was not one-hundred percent confident of my privacy.

The change, however, went without complication and I returned to Doctor McCoy wearing a blue uniform in less than no time. "See, I thought you might look better in blue," he said and I knew he was joking innocently as always, but it became apparent to me that most of the people on this ship were not so innocent.

"I will take that as a compliment. Thank you, Doctor," I said.

McCoy looked as though he was about to say something but he hesitated. He tapped his finger on his tablet, thinking. After a moment he looked back up at me.

"I need to speak with you," he said. He pulled away and went into one of the private patient rooms which I followed him into. He closed the door and looked me straight in the eyes. "How did you do it?" he asked. "What in the world could you possibly give him that acted as a permanent cure?" he asked and my chest seemed to seize up a little. I should have known the doctor would ask this question eventually... Spock shouldn't have lived at all, let alone be entirely cured of his ailment.

"I... Doctor, believe me when I say it was the only way," I began, but this sounded incriminating. I felt like a criminal. Maybe it was because in truth, I had not yet told Spock himself. He seemed to be content with life.

"I believe you," he said.

"And it would be to my best advantage if you did not disclose these details with Spock that I may do it myself when I find the courage," I said.

"You're scaring me Peleia," he said. "What did you do?"

"I assure you, it was nothing bad, just rather unorthodox," I said. McCoy looked at me to explain. "I injected Mr. Spock with a blood sample," I said.

"From whom?" he pressed.

"I am not sure I should disclose the identity of my source until he is ready," I said, "but I can tell you that he is a friend of mine," friend was probably an inaccurate term, "whose blood has remarkable healing capabilities. It kept me from death not two days ago after I had an unfortunate accident with a military transport. I acted irrationally in the moment, but after thinking more deeply on the matter, I realize that it was the only hope he would have had," I finished and realized that besides not disclosing Harrison's name, my explanation was adequate and less than incriminating.

McCoy looked at me astounded, one eyebrow practically floating off his face. "Are you crazy? Taking a risk like that? You could've killed him!"

The Doctor's response was less friendly than I had expected as was mine in return. "He was dead either way," I said. "It was all I could do for him and I wasn't going to just sit there and watch him die. I had one choice and yes, it was risky, but aren't you glad I made it or we would all be sitting around at a funeral service right now with a bunch of angry Vulcans on top of us for killing one of the most distinguished members of my race," I said, stepping angrily closer to him. "Please, if you had another solution, I would love to hear it."

The doctor looked angrily but dejectedly at me. "How do you know there aren't going to be any after effects?"

"I don't," I said. "I don't know if he's going to fall over dead in the next few days; I don't know if _I'm_ going to do that. Whatever happens to me I will assume will happen to him and so far, I've been fine, but it's a little late to be worried now," I said and stepped back, taking a breath so as to calm myself.

"Ya know, I should tell Spock all of this right now. He has a right to know," he said.

"He will know when it becomes relevant," I said.

There was a knock at the door and McCoy gave me one last hard glare before motioning to open the door.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Doctor, but the ensign has a call waiting for her. Lieutenant Harrison of the USS Excelsior," the nurse said.

The Doctor looked at me. "If you don't tell him before the day is done, then I will," he threatened.

"Yes, sir," I said and he sent me out. I went to the comm. on the wall immediately and flipped it on.

"Peleia here," I said, still fuming.

"Peleia, are you in your quarters?"

"No, sir. Do you need me to be?"

"That would be helpful," he said.

"Headed there now. Medical out," I said and flipped it off.

I went back to McCoy who was milling about checking on the new crew members since there were no surgeries to be done and he was the ship's surgeon.

I stood at attention in front of him.

"Lieutenant," I said, reverting back to strict behavior in order to control my emotions.

"At ease, Ensign," he said, sensing my new attitude.

"Permission to speak privately with Lieutenant Harrison and report back in thirty minutes," I said.

"Granted," he mumbled and turned around. I sped from the room and immediately to my own quarters. I didn't want to risk Spock walking in while I was having a confidential conversation with Harrison.

I don't even remember half of the walk there due to my enormous rage that Doctor McCoy could be angry at me for saving Spock's life. I swiped my key card over the pad outside the door and stalked in. The door closed quickly behind me.

"Lights," I ordered as they seemed to have powered down to save energy.

The lights flicked on and I held back a gasp.

"Lieutenant, if I may ask how you got in here?"

"I beamed over," he said.

"Unauthorized was it?" I asked, completely forgetting both that he was my superior and also the very person who had saved Spock. Those things dawned upon me as soon as I had spit the unfriendly words. "I'm sorry," I said, suddenly feeling drained. Whereas Harrison had just stood up, I went past him and sat down on the bed. "I seem to have lost a bit of control over my emotions," I said tiredly.

"There is no guilt in that," he said and stood examining the things on my dresser. They were meaningless decorations, preset before my arrival, but he seemed intrigued anyway. "It appears we have come upon some complications," he said.

"Please clarify," I said.

"This has nothing to do with your relationship with Mr. Spock," he said but I could tell that he was slightly, if not largely, enraged by the matter, "so you needn't worry about him, but it appears you've gotten yourself a position on this starship."

"Obviously," I said, attempting to do so without any spite.

"Admiral Marcus is still on Earth," he said turning to me. "That's a little bit of a problem, wouldn't you say?" he said and I could tell now that he was very unhappy. "Considering the fact that you were supposed to be my informant," he said.

"John," I said, relaxing from exhaustion, "how was I supposed to turn down a promotion from Admiral Pike?"

"Lying low! I thought we discussed this... or at least it was implied," he said.

"There was nothing I could do from the time I saw you to the time I saw him to downgrade my public reputation in order to be grounded and stuck on Earth with all the other stupid humans," I said.

"But what... what am I supposed to do?" he asked and although his back was to me, I knew that he was serious. He had close to no hope for his cause and it leaked through his voice in the minute trembling that probably few could detect.

I stood up and attempted my best characterization of consoling. I put my hands on his shoulders and he jumped a bit at my touch, glancing back. I circled to still be holding his shoulders and also be at his side. "I will find a solution," I said.

He turned to me and took each of my hands into his.

"Please do," he said. "I just need this one thing; if this is all you can give me then I will take it," he said and I became aware of several of his emotions breaking free from those walls in his mind. It was as plain as if he had said it out loud how devastated he was to find out about Spock and me. For one so cold seeming, it was confusing to my mind that he even harbored feelings from the opposite spectrum.

"I... I'm sorry," I said, being at a further loss of words.

"It's not your fault," he said and I felt that he had a bit of resentment toward Spock.

But that hadn't stopped him from saving Spock. He had known very well our relationship but he had still done his best to help me to help him. John Harrison was proving to be a mystery that I was not sure I would ever solve.

I felt a surge of remorse but I didn't know what to do with it. Harrison looked away and dropped my hands. He wandered over to a wall and leaned against it with and outstretched arm. He hung his head and massaged his temples with his free hand while his back faced me.

I didn't know what to do. I remembered the twisted half-reality that had occurred the other day, but so much had happened since then. I was promised to Spock; I loved him and he loved me. He was a perfectly suitable spouse; more suitable than any other person I knew. Spock was the one I could trust and I was the one he could trust, but I had known all that the first time.

The first time. I thought it as if there would be a second.

"John," I addressed him quietly. He didn't move from his position but I knew I had his attention. "John, I do not know what to say. Spock and I are bound," I said. "I wish..." what did I wish? That it were different? No, not that I wasn't bound to Spock, but I do wish I could satisfy John. He was the only other person that had ever sided with me. He was like Spock, but with risks; with mystery and depth. I knew every detail of Spock's mind at all times. I knew the color of John's shirt most of the time, if I could see it; that was the basic extent of my knowledge of him.

John turned around and I realized I had stopped mid-sentence.

"No you don't," he said. "I can see it in your eyes. I don't matter."

"I-" his words startled me and I cut myself off, not actually having a reply before I began to speak. I was not sure if he was attempting to appeal to my remorse for him on purpose or if that was just the way he was speaking. Either way, it was working.

"You know that's not true," I said and stepped toward him.

"I beg to differ," he said, standing up a little more.

"This does not have to be a problem," I said.

"What, you just want me to forget about you? Peleia, you're the only person I know here; you're the only one I can trust in this entire institution and I'm not going to just forget about you," he said and I could see that his anger was mixing with sadness.

"I never said you had to forget; just learn to control your emotions!"

He gave me an incredulous look. "You don't get it! This is something you can't understand and I don't need to be lectured about controlling my emotions because that is something I have been trained not to do! I realize it is shameful to your race to show emotion but that is the only way I can live," he said. "Without that, I have nothing. There is no reason for me to be on this mission to free myself and my crew-!" he said but cut himself off. I realized that it may appear as if I was being manipulative if I followed up on his mistake, but what had I to lose?

"What crew? Is that what this is about?"

John looked at me terrified of what he had revealed.

"Please forgive me," he said and came towards me. I backed away but was stopped by the bed.

"What-?"

Harrison grabbed me behind the neck and forced me into a kiss. The shock was enough that I hardly realized when he raised an auditory paralysis apparatus to my ear that had me slipping out of consciousness and limply onto my bed in moments


	10. Chapter 10

sorry it's been like four years

sorry this is short

sorry i'm disappointing

i'll get better i promise

i'm just sick

like i legitimately am sick i'm not just saying that i have some stupid summer cold and i'm actually having a coughing attack as i post this so i am sorry but fer real

sick

anyway

thank

*bows*

I woke with no memory of the events that had transpired. I can say now that if I had remembered it upon waking up, I would have been less likely to question my trust for Harrison, but because I did not, I woke remembering only that I had somehow come to be in my quarters. I looked at the clock.

I and stood up immediately, straightening my dress and sprinting out of the room back to med bay. It had been three hours since I last looked at the clock and I had not reported back to Doctor McCoy. Knowing the attitude he was in right now, I would probably not be welcomed back happily.

But...

How in the world had I even ended up outside med bay? I hadn't left, had I?

I nearly ran into Spock as I hurried down the hallway.

"Peleia," he said surprised and took my arms, "we were worried about you. Doctor McCoy said you hadn't reported since you left to talk to Lieutenant Harrison," he said.

"Lieutenant Harrison...?" I had no memory of having gone to speak with him.

"Yes, the doctor said you got a private call from him and went to answer him but never came back," he said.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I must admit I am slightly confused. I have no memory of how I came to be in my quarters or why I was unconscious," I said.

"What do you mean unconscious?"

"I... I'm not sure, I woke just now on my bed," I said, becoming more aware of the danger I could be in and definitely more confused. "I do not recall ever being called out to speak with Lieutenant Harrison. The farthest I remember is speaking with Doctor McCoy about-" I stopped myself. Now was not the time to reveal my secret, "- about my new assignment," I said. Spock took my stutter to be attributed to my confusion.

"Do you remember anything?"

I tried to dig into my memory but it seemed like whatever used to be there was physically erased. "No," I said which worried me much more than it had a moment earlier. "I don't remember anything," I began to panic, "I can't- I don't remember."

Spock took my arms firmly. "Peleia," he said, his voice calm and soft. "I need you to calm down and open your mind," he said.

I took a breath and nodded. I closed my eyes and Spock placed his fingers carefully on my face. I opened my mind entirely to him and after some hesitation, that included everything I knew about John Harrison and about the secret I had been keeping. It included every detail but Spock didn't seem interested in much of it although I did see that he had taken note of at least our relationship.

Spock suddenly darted behind a figurative locked door that I couldn't seem to get behind. I waited for him to come back and as soon as he emerged, I realized that he had severed mental contact. I opened my eyes and he was standing a step away from me.

"Who is he?" he asked, a stern look on his face.

I knew exactly who that 'he' was and it scared me to think that I had not told Spock myself who he was. "Lieutenant Commander John Harrison," I said. "We have a sort of business agreement that requires briefings," I said, trying to explain in as simple of terms that I could.

"Is that so?" he asked. I assumed there was something more that he had seen. What had happened? What was behind that locked door?

"Yes," I said. "Spock, what is the matter?"

Spock's jaw clenched in anger and he brushed past me back to my quarters, entering without the need of my key card.

"You don't remember anything, isn't that what you said?" he asked loudly as soon as the door was closed and sealed.

"I do not remember," I said again.

"Is that the truth, or is this just another game?"

"Another game? Why would I lie to you Spock? Just tell me what you saw!" I said, my tone rising to match his.

"Peleia, what has happened to you? Where did all of these secrets come from? It's like you're an entirely different person than the one I know! Seeing another man?! Another officer?!" Spock seemed both confused and angry mixed with sadness. "If you wanted to declare kal-if-fee you could have just told me! It wouldn't be as bad as this!"

"Spock, I don't want-"

"No! Of course you don't want that! You want everything to be your way!" he said. "It could matter less the involved parties and their emotions on the matter; what does another Vulcan mean, he doesn't feel anything!" he shouted.

"Spock, stop-" I started, reaching out to him but he pulled away.

"You lied to me!" he shouted. "You lied to me to get on this ship; that's all you wanted wasn't it! More time to see him; more room for accomplishment! You're no better than the rest of them," he snarled.

"Spock-" tears had welled up in my eyes. What on earth had happened that I didn't know about?

"There is nothing you can say," he said.

"Spock, I don't remember," I gasped, tears rolling over my cheeks and onto my neck. "I don't remem-"

"It doesn't matter! You were clearly thinking at the time and it didn't even cross your mind that perhaps I would be curious as to who this man was that visited you privately!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I sobbed but it was overrun by his shouting.

"I thought we had an agreement! I thought I could trust you!"

"I don't remember!" I yelled as he shook his head and turned away.

"I hope you see what you've done and I hope you know," he said turning back to me suddenly and getting right above me. It was reminiscent of my experiences as a child. I started to shut down; my emotions were all squeezed painfully into the back of my mind. "You have brought dishonor upon the entire Vulcan race through this treachery," he hissed. "You are a disappointment and a liar."

"Spock-"

"I never want to hear my name off your lips again, do you understand, Ensign?"

I looked up blankly at him.

"I said do you understand!" he yelled, startling me more and sending shaky shivers through me.

"Yes, sir," I whispered.

"Stay out of my way and out of my sight. I don't want to see you again until you're ready to mature past the age of five," he said.

"Yes, sir," I repeated, more quietly.

He glared one last time at me before scoffing and charging out the door. It closed immediately and I was left standing beside my bed alone with a new weight on my back. I had done everything wrong. I was past the point of no return; whatever things I didn't know seemed to be the things hurting me the most.


End file.
